In part two of a two-part series, Bwogger Alison Herman argues in favor of pulling out all the stops tonight. Because you’re better than “guy who escaped from a painting.”
Fall is a lot of things: sweater weather, decorative gourd season (motherfuckers), Pumpkin Spice Latte time. But most importantly, it’s time for the ONE DAY A YEAR to be as punny/slutty/over-the-top as you want and no one can judge you for it, plus the preceding two weeks of intense preparation.
You don’t have to go all out on Halloween, obviously. Just like you don’t have to give your friends Christmas presents or eat non-takeout food on Thanksgiving. All I’m saying is that if you don’t take tonight as an opportunity to suit up and suit up well, you probably hate freedom. And fun.
Yes, searching for an item of clothing that isn’t a half-decade old witch hat is hard. So are most good things in life! That extra iota of brainpower that goes into procuring the necessary components for whatever pop culture reference or elaborate getup your brilliant Ivy League student brain is more than capable of coming up with more than pays for itself. What reaction do a few halfhearted cat whiskers painted on with eyeliner get? Ambivalent shrugs. What reaction does a masterfully composed Frida Kahlo and/or Zombie Miley and/or PrezBo get? Instant popularity, measured in Instagrams and lots of free themed cocktails.
And on what other night of the year is a painstakingly crafted recreation of Lady Gaga’s makeup from the “Applause” video going to earn enthusiastic (drunken) praise instead of weird looks? Halloween is a once-a-year opportunity, and passing it up because it’s easier to rely on the Ricky’s dregs being less awful than usual means settling for another 364 days with nothing to take away from Halloweekend except a brain-annihilating hangover. October 31st is a get-out-of-jail-free pass for trying really, really hard to make a really, really strong impression—not something to take lightly at Columbia.
Speaking of, there’s no better way to give Columbia Apathy™ the proverbial finger than giving a shit or several about one’s costume. That inertia that keeps us all squarely above 110th Street, in Butler or more likely in our beds and on our fifth Parks and Rec episode of the day? It’s the very same little voice in your head that’s saying there’s nothing wrong with going out in a T-shirt and passing it off as “a guy without a costume.” Fight the power! Put on the Walter White mask!
So if your heart of hearts honestly isn’t feeling Halloween this year, fine. But the night’s a better experience for everyone if we all put our best fake-blood-spattered foot forward. See you out in the field, fellow Columbians. I’ll be the girl in the Tina Belcher costume. #noregrets