BUTLER called out from Floor 9 , and He called Bwog to the top of the mountain. Then But spoke all these words, saying:
I. Thou shalt use thine headphones for any and all media playing, lest thou shouldest disturb other studiers. Thus thou shalt do, unless thou happenest to be listening to The Eye of the Tiger.
II. Thou shalt refrain from wearing shoes featuring loud heels; thou shalt walk on tiptoes or stay seated in all other circumstances.
III. Thou shalt not crinkleth Ye Olde Kinde Barre wrapper excessively.
IV. Thou shalt respect the boundary that doth mark half of a table, lest the God of Butler smite ye.
V. Thou shalt leave thine possessions at thine chosen table for no more than fifteen minutes; or yea, thou shalt be known forever as a “camper,” the most wretched of studiers.
VI. Thou shalt not consume foodstuffs which produce unsavory odors in the presence of others, lest ye infect the Ref Room with the stench of thine tuna sandwich.
VII. Thou shalt not hold an audible conversation with thy friend. Even if thou speaketh another language, we can all still hear you.
VIII. Thou shalt not tap thy foot, twirl thy hair or act in any other distractingly fidgety manner.
IX. Thou shalt not snore.
X (a). If thou must go to sleep, do not sleep in a seat that might otherwise be used for productive labor, but rather on the floor or some other hilariously awkward place.
X (b). Thou shalt tip any awkward sleepers or egregious campers, especially during finals season.
XI. If ever thou shouldst remain in the library over the span of a day’s traffick, know ye that thou shouldst rouse thineself lest thine limbs should lose their vigor and thine person begin to emit odours most foul.
XII. Commend the considerations for the comfort of others unto thine heart and thou shalt be favored all thine days.
I am the BUTLER, their Library.
Bwog is Moses via Wikimedia Commons