Keep on keepin’ on

Old people are the best. A nursing home recently got reamed for hiring a stripper, but they’re claiming that the residents were the ones who wanted one. It was their own money and everything, okay, Mom, let them do what they want! (NY Post)

If you hated April Fools Day purely because of our cute little redesign, this should get you seething/writhing in misery: there’s a new Comic Sans in town, and supposedly it’s “perfect as a display face, for marking up comments, and writing passive aggressive office memos”? (Slate)

What’s the most common car-related issue, second only to Detroit falling apart? Toyota’s got another recall! Yay to traditions in the automobile industry—may they grow old but never die. (NY Times)

Would you have sex with Paul Rudd? What if you also got a dollar? Billy on the Street asks the tough questions so you don’t have to. We know our answer (and have maybe spent our entire lives waiting for this moment). (Vulture)

LOL you thought passwords were meant to be private? Silly you. Heartbleed is a new(ish) security bug that could supposedly affect about 2/3 of the Internet. (MSN)

Here is what old people thought we would dress like by now. 2014 is a looong way from 1893, but nothing excuses those bloomers. Full disclosure though, 1936 and 1975 aren’t actually half bad/maybe we’ll wear variants on those tomorrow. (Jezebel)

Righteous old dude via Shutterstock