“DO NOT MOVE”
– ART –

You’re poor. Furniture’s expensive. But considering your complex manifold identity of both student and “New Yorker,” how important exactly are the two R’s: RA’s and RATS? Tats explores the hardhitting questions so you don’t have to.

Dear Tats,

I recently procured some lovely, perfectly innocuous furniture off the street — probably some nice couple donating their goods as they head off to procreate in the ‘burbs of Jersey. But to my surprise, those nearest and dearest to my heart — those, in short, that I expect to rejoice in my good fortune — betrayed my trust, citing “bedbugs” and “rodents.” My RA insists I cannot have said furnishings on the floor. Is this fair???

Screwed for Sofas

Dear Screwed,

Your RA, your friends, indeed the entire Internet is misinformed. Bed bugs are an urban legend. They do not actually exist. As for rats, you’d probably hear their cute little burrowing, or whatever the hell it is rats do. In all honesty, even if there were rats, you’d probably befriend them. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles said so, so I think it’s safe to say rats are friendly, definitely.

Indeed, I believe the real issue isn’t that you can’t make friends with rats. It’s that your friends are the real rats. Why can’t they support you for once? Why can’t they embrace the incredible finds on the side of the street? You’re a creative spirit, and you can’t be tamed. Was Miley penalized for her exploration of the darker sides of life? Obvs not, so why should you be? Take the chair.

As for the RA, he clearly suffers from a severe lack of nerves. What is life without a little bit of risk? Live on the edge, dear Screwed. Live on The Edge.

XOXO, Tats

A very lovely chair indeed via Broadway and 113th