Presidential material

While everyone on campus crowded around lounge TVs to watch the Democratic Debate last week, I sat solo in my room with my computer tuned to MTV’s archives. I’ve heard that Bernie defended Hillary’s emails and that Hillary roasted the GOP for their attack on Planned Parenthood, but my ears were preoccupied with the sweet words of another presidential hopeful as he spoke nothing but the truth: “We’re not gonna control our kids with brands. We not gonna teach low self-esteem and hate to our kids. We gonna teach our kids that they can be something. We gonna teach our kids that they can stand up for theyself! We gonna teach our kids to believe in themselves!”

Now now, don’t write me off right away… I know Kanye West isn’t running for office until 2020, and there’s a part of me that thinks that maybe I should be a bit more concerned with the current state of national affairs. But if Yeezy’s really gonna have a shot at this whole presidency thing, I’m going to be a loyal supporter and ignite the flame.

Here’s the thing: a lot of people are down to have Kanye as our nation’s next leader, but no one is willing to admit it for fear of being ridiculed (especially in an environment as politically conscious as this one). As with any movement that intends to evoke change, a single individual can’t fight the fight—allies are essential. Fellow Kanye supporters, here you have it. Below is a quick and easy how-to guide to get the conversation started and affirm that you’re not alone in your political beliefs.

1. Go to a frat party.
2. Wait for a random drunken brother to acquire the aux chord.
3. Wait for said brother to play “Gold Digger” in an attempt to be hip, versatile, and nostalgic. Wait for party-goers to greet him with applause.
4. Sift through the numerous drunken individuals screaming incorrect lyrics to find the one individual in the corner muttering every word precisely.
5. Gently approach said individual. Stand next to him or her until you are comfortable with starting a conversation. As time passes, feel free to resort to extreme measures if necessary—spill your drink on this individual if you have to, and then blame it on the jiggyness of the song! You cannot pass up on this rare opportunity.
6. Begin talking about your favorite Kanye album. You can say something along the lines of, “Don’t get me wrong, ‘Gold Digger’ is legendary… but I gotta say Late Registration isn’t my favorite. I’m much more of an 808s & Heartbreak kinda gal.”
7. Wait for said individual to respond. Maintain conversation. Lie a little if your favorite albums don’t match… every person lies a little bit in the beginning of a relationship, and this person is your only hope!
8. Begin talking about Kanye’s interests in other artistic fields. You can bring up his NYFW show if you want. Wait for your conversation partner/future ally to reply. If they are supportive of Yeezy’s endeavors outside of music, you now have the green light to delve into the topic you’ve always wanted to approach.
9. Gently ease into the topic of Kanye’s VMAs speech.
10. If the conversation hasn’t naturally turned in this direction already, gently ease into the notion of Kanye running for president.
11. If the person is supportive of Kanye as POTUS, hug that person immediately. Add one another on Facebook or exchange numbers or something. Don’t let this person go! They are very valuable!
12. Repeat steps 1-12 until you develop a network of politically like-minded individuals. Then moves can be made.

On that Christian Dior Denim Flow via Shutterstock