Goals/commodity fetishism/AA mannequins just chilling

A mainstay of Morningside Heights you could never afford goes out of business, you doubt the veracity of the American dream, and you fail your Chemistry midterm: all in a week’s work. A weird revelation: we’re beginning to think everything in our lives can be tied to the rise and fall of American Apparel, or really, any once-profitable-but-no-longer American corporation. As always, send in any in-the-wild field notes to tips@bwog.com.

The Rise

• “Almost froze to death on Havemeyer roof but it was beautiful.”
• “Went home with the express purpose of seeing my old high school’s fall play, then left the play during intermission to make out with my SO.”
• And: “Made out with my SO while listening to the Hamilton musical.”
• “One of the best moments of the night was when a friend and I realized we are both Pisces and squealed/hugged it out.”
• “More first year canoodling ;)”
• “Went to a Chili’s in my hometown with a couple of friends from 11 pm to 12 am (they closed at 12); had a really nice waitress despite the fact that we were literally the only people in the restaurant; collectively gave aforementioned nice waitress a $70 tip for a $45 meal.”
• “Bought one of the $60 giant teddy bears from the Duane Reade window display and he’s now my boyfriend for #CuffingSeason (his name is LiBEARace).”
• “Got to ask the ambassador to the UK about bitcoins. So happy.”
• “Went to Harvard/Yale and HUed with a Harvard in a random Yale common room where he was a guest (sry!!).”
• “Got a contact high at the Weeknd concert in the nosebleed section.”
• “Beta was lit.”

The Interim

• “Pumpkin spice vodka is not that bad? Maybe? (just typing those 3 words gave me a wave of nausea).”
• “Got awkward looks smoking in Morningside Park.”
• “Met up with some (frat) brothers only to get more drunk.”
• “Got more high and watched an hour of Adventure Time.”
• “Got a pack of M&Ms at 2 in the morning off the street because I didn’t remember Carman had vending machines.”
• “Woke up at 6 am as my suitemate was coming home from a night out and went for a run.”
• “Accidentally woke up at 4:45 am instead of 5:45 am because nobody changed the clock in my room at home for Daylight Savings Time.”
• “After 3 months of being locked out of and unable to access my Tinder (1500 matches!), and 10+ back and forth emails with their support team, I finally caved in and decided to make a 2nd FB account strictly for the purpose of my favorite meaty Swipes app.”
• “Left my Barnard ID at EC so I had to use my fake ID to sign into get signed into Hartley because I lost my actual drivers license.”
• “Went for my first Barnard babysitting interview. The family happened to live on 110 which is where I usually record my post 1020 drunk Snapchats. Last night was no exception, and the building’s awning was actually in one of them.”
• “Drunkenly bought sour patch watermelon from the McBain vending machine with a 5 dollar bill and instead of an American dollar coin it gave me a RUPEE.”
• “Went to bed at 9 pm on Saturday night, but was still exhausted when I woke up Sunday morning.”
• “Slept through my Thursday 2:40.”
• “Tried to trademark my name tonight so I could get the Instagram account with my name. found out some dbag already has it trademarked.”
• “Went to Hungarian and they didn’t ask for my name.”
• “Went to 1020 for the first time tonight. Played trivia, drank nothing.”
• “A Carman guard made me try to get something out of a lock because my nails were long and then I broke a nail.”
• “Left my purse in a restaurant at Yale this weekend and got it back within a few hours but the guy who found it just added me on LinkedIn…”

The Fall

• “Woke up with the most insane combo of hangover, cold, and period sitch, cleaned my sorry ass up, and DRAGGED MYSELF TO MY 10 AM SIPA CLASS. I wasnt’t even the latest or most wrecked person there.”
• “Was drunk in varying levels/degrees from 7 pm until 3 am. Attempted to have myself CAVA’d but friends convinced me I was fine.”
• “Almost killed a nice Southern white boy when he broke my fall after I tripped down the stairs. :’/”
• “Roommate also got very drunk last night/threw up on subway, so we were two inebriated girls alone in our room. Woke up in morning w/ severe hangovers and apologized to each other. Plan to never drink alcohol again, but unfortunately I found a $20 unopened bottle of Jack in my purse today. No receipt. How can I return it?”
• “Yesterday, roommate was going to Absolute Bagels and happened to walk by AA, which was having a 90% OFF SALE. Very frustrating b/c I spent $34 on swim bottom and hair scrunchie (full price) on Thursday when they canceled their sale for a day because someone posted about it on FB and it was supposed to be secret. Roommate spent 2 hours shopping and 4 hours in line and witnessed several fights.”
• “My suitemate bought a headless female American Apparel mannequin.”
• Also: “My RA bought a headless male AA mannequin.”
• “Took drunk mirror selfies in my new AA body suit while my friend projectile-vomited in the background. The pictures are actually kind of humbling.”
• “Watched my mom yell at me over Facetime while I put her on mute and listened to Hip Hop Instrumentals…later found out I was getting yelled at for spending too much money and that she’s cutting me off.”
• “Signed out of EC at 6 am & said “good night” to the guard & stood in shameful silence when he corrected me—’No ma’am, you mean good MORNING.'”
• “Apparently drank a whole bottle of wine and called the grim reaper a girl and then got angry at myself for ‘enforcing a gender upon death.'”
• “Finished a whole bottle of bougie French wine by myself on Thursday night after the Mowsh Bio midterm.”
• “Became responsible for $26,000 of club money.”
• “Passed a couple hooking up in the Sulz stairwell with mood music. The stairwell is so gross that they probably would have been better off in the showers.”