Peep the relieved cow in the back he knows he’s not an option.

Ever since a certain CC student went to Hewitt for the first time, Bwog staff has been debating the campus salad bars. The aforementioned CC senior ardently declared that Hewitt’s vegetables are, in fact, the best, while a Barnard student shot back that Ferris has a far superior vegetable selection. Apparently school affiliation had no effect on this argument.

In an attempt to restore the peace, we present an in-depth analysis of the Hewitt and Ferris salad bars. There may be no “definitive” conclusions here (this isn’t Buzzfeed), but you might walk away with a craving for rabbit food.

Figures 1-8 : Hewitt Vegetables

• Cucumbers: Mostly crisp, aside from the presence of one see-through slice (1). Erratic sizes (2), so be prepared to cut further.
• Carrots: Fantastic. Perfect size for snacking (and fit into a to-go coffee cup). Mostly inoffensive-looking (3).
• Olives: WOW. A delicious addition to any salad, pizza, or otherwise boring dish. Brief disclaimer: Hewitt only occasionally has such fancy olives (4), but has the green olives somewhat more often (5). Usually sliced black olives are the norm.
• Peppers: Mixed reviews. Seeds were detectable (6), but quality of peppers was mostly good. Appropriateness of size is debatable. If you intend to eat the peppers individually (perhaps with hummus), then this size is acceptable. However, they are too large for salads, so need to be cut further.
• Snow peas: A lovely addition. Unexpected in a typical salad bar, but always welcome at Hewitt.
• Tomatoes: Eh. They look nice with their little green hats, but the decoration soon becomes tedious when it is time for eating. Also appear a little pale and sickly (8).
• Mushrooms: Unsure what to say. They’re mushrooms? They don’t gross me out any more than mushrooms usually do? Not worth a figure number.

Additional Notes: The large slices are perfect for a veggie snack, especially if you don’t actually want to eat a salad. The veggie sizes were also very conducive to the creation of vegetable art. However, given Hewitt’s open floor plan, someone WILL notice if you arrange your food into patterns, take a picture, and then carry watching your episode of 30 Rock.

Figures 9-14 : Ferris Vegetables

• Peppers: Crisp and tasty. A little small, even for a salad (9). Not a good size for snacking. But, no seeds!
• Carrots: Shredded. I guess they’re good for salad, if you like that sort of thing. No carrot snax (10).
• Olives: Your standard black olives (11). They taste exactly like black olives. It’s hard to get excited when you’re still thinking about Hewitt’s fancy olives (even if those are a rarity).
• Cucumbers: YESSSS. They are cut into half moons with the mushy seed part eliminated ENTIRELY (12). This is all I’ve ever wanted out of the vegetables in my life. Bravo.
• Mushrooms: Seriously, what am I supposed to say? They look like Hewitt’s mushrooms (13). They touched the cucumbers and made those taste like mushrooms, too.
• Tomatoes: Of the cherry variety (14). Appropriately sized, looked less wan than the Hewitt ones. No green hats. Good size for snax.

Additional Notes: It never bothered me before that Ferris’s salad bar is not self-serve…until I had to write this article. All of the vegetables were pretty mixed together, so it was kind of hard to identify each category. That’s why there are two pictures: one of the original bowl, and another after I flipped the bowl onto a plate. Also, the finely chopped nature of certain veggies prevented me from creating artwork.
I should note that I hate myself for writing that last sentence. All of the vegetables were good, and we’re lucky that we regularly get fresh produce. Be appreciative.

Bwog at brunch by Pieter Aertszen via Wikimedia Commons.