RIP housing, you dirty dog

The Cage enters temporary retirement today, so today we honor housing, in all its senselessness.

Brazen Brooklyn bank robbers drilled a hole into the ceiling of an HSBC bank, stealing more than $280,000 and content from safety deposit boxes—much like your lottery number stole all your chances of happiness for next year. (Pix 11)

Scientists have visualized what the human brain looks like on LSD for the first time—but is this actually your brain on Wien? (New York Magazine)

It could be worse: you could’ve ended up in Alpha Centauri, which is where astrophysicist Stephen Hawking wants to send a tiny laser-propelled spaceship to search for life. (Washington Post)

Today is the end of an era, in more ways than one. Kobe Bryant retires today, arms overflowing with gifts and fingers with championship rings. We love that the Utah Jazz has gifted him a decade-long pass to all U.S. national parks, and his teammate Metta World Peace called him the “venom” in a recent address. (LA Times)

Looking ahead to online selection: Paul Ryan has emphatically denied he’s going for the 2016 nomination, but there are no guarantees at this time of the year. (CNN)

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