At Columbia we are all eternal painters, expressing the emptiness of our hollow shells and glimmers of what were once our social lives.

The first night where the sum total of the freshmen class was united has passed, but how do you feel? Tired? Homesick? Extremely hungover? Well, there’s no better cure to all of these problems like early morning mandatory academic events. Remember, you suffer through the patronizingly mandatory events of the day to get NSLOPPY at night, so keep trudging on. Remember to send anything of note to tips@bwog.com so we can share your degenerate, Carman (paint) party experiences with the rest of the student body.

Today’s Events Of Interest:

• SEAS Academic Assembly, 9:00-10:30 AM, 309 Havemeyer Hall. Dean Boyce of the School of Engineering, joined by members of SEAS faculty and alumni, will lead a mandatory discussion on your role at Columbia, your future, your opportunities—all that good stuff. Don’t be too disheartened, though. Besides those pesky mandatory track events, this is the only required SEAS event for the day.
• CC Academic Assembly, 9:00-10:15 AM, Roone, and LitHum: The First Class, 11:00 AM – 12:30 PM, Roone. Yes, CC frosh, you have two required lectures at Roone where first Deantini will introduce you to the inspiring academic culture which flourishes at Columbia, and then your peers will try and rip that apart in a covert competition of “Who can ask the lecturer the most contrived question?”. We all went through it. A piece of advice, don’t ask any questions. Soon you’ll be in your actual LitHum seminar, after all.
• Floor Night Out, 10:00 PM – 12:00 AM. Today’s theme is “required events which might be meaningful, but will probably get in the way of partying,” and this last event of the night doesn’t stray away from that. Your RA will travel with you somewhere in the city for a casual night of fun and talking to the people on your floor. If you have a good RA, he or she might even let you off a little early for your NSLOP needs.

Another Thing To Do Before Graduating: Try every sandwich at either HamDel, Milano, or both. Remember to ask for a loyalty card at HamDel, though. Those free sandwiches are brief monuments to your commitment to eating “Absolutely Fine Food”.

From The Archives: Didn’t know what we meant when we referenced a “paint party” above? Acquaint yourselves with one of the most legendary Carman parties to have ever been thrown. Can you outdo the Carman paint party? Well, you probably shouldn’t.