get you a prof who can do both

Columbia is an extremely small university, and sometimes it feels like everyone knows everyone. It is embarrassing but not that big a deal when your vague acquaintances and Facebook friends see you grinding against someone in a frat basement, but the additional danger is greater. What happens when you see someone in a professional position – a Dean, a professor, or even a TA – when you’re out on a night of debauchery. Or worse, doing a walk of shame via Nussbaum for bagels. What do you do in this position? What techniques can you use? Bwog can help!

Picture this: you’re coming off a really bad day, having failed your Lithum quiz or striked out on a particularly horrific Tinder coffee date. It’s only a Wednesday, but 1020 beckons and you need a Long Island iced tea.

Or, it’s a Saturday night and somehow your professor or TA has braved the crowds of freshman to make it out to your preferred location.

First things first, don’t panic. It is most important to take care of the physical problem first. Pull yourself together and wipe the sweat of what seems like millions of bodies off your brow. Yes, it’s embarrassing to be seen here, but that embarrassment is compounded by seeming like a total drunk mess. This is particularly important if you have another completely inebriated friend with you. Give them a swipe of lipstick lest you look guilty by association. If they are beyond this, set yourself up as the better person by showing yourself to be the caring friend. Get them some water, it will make you look like the adult of the situation.

The best alternative is to get out while you can. Make an escape tunnel through the throngs of people by using your friends as a battering ram, and cover your face with your hair or any coats or jackets you may have lying around. Yes, it sucks to end a night early, but you can always get Roti Roll or Koronets which sometimes can feel as good as another vodka soda.

However, this Bwogger acknowledges that avoidance is not always possible. What happens if they’ve definitely seen you? At this point, don’t admit defeat. Rather, address the issue head on. Go over to the professor or TA and start talking completely normally about your coursework. The best option is to ask a question, as it forces them into a speaking role. By doing so, you’re acknowledging the situation but also ensuring that you don’t seem too schwasted. Besides, for classes with high attendance and discussion participation as a part of grading, this can in fact boost your stature. Do not do this if you have just knocked back a few gimlets- at that point, nobody wants to hear what you have to say. Return to the avoidance tactic and get the hell out. You’d probably enjoy the reprieve of your sweet, sweet bed just as much anyway.

In all of these cases, the most important thing to remember is that this is highly embarrassing for the other person too. You’re a college student, and thus your Sunday Funday, Mojito Monday, Turn up Tuesday and Wine Wednesday are all justified and expected. Your Professor, however, probably has a family waiting on them to come home, covered in the sweat of socially awkward college students. Furthermore, not only are they drinking heavily on a Wednesday despite being a full-fledged adult, they’re also doing so in the most disgusting of situations. At some point you have to ask yourself, is 1020 really a fun place to go when you’re old and don’t know anyone there (shout out to the mildly creepy old Russian guys that will always try to hit on you). They’re obviously going through a tough time also, so lend a listening ear and try not to ask if they are sleeping on the couch.