Ah, love—how it comes and goes with the wind. We have a few tips to help you avoid the more tense moments in your lives.
- Find out where they live on the directory and don’t go to those dorms.
- Figure out their dining hall pattern (a trial and error process, admittedly), and avoid Ferris when you know they’ve just gotten out of their 11:40.
- Don’t major in the same thing, even if you really want to. It’s not worth it.
- Always carry a back-up hoodie. Just in case.
- Date people who have at least a foot on you height wise so that you won’t be within their range of vision when you walk past them.
- Take the Butler stacks stairs instead of normal stairs or elevators.
- Forget elevators. The stairs are your best friend now. I don’t care if you live on the top floor.
- Always walk with attractive people so they get jealous of your friends and cool life without them.
- Double major in compsci, and stay on the pre-law and pre-med track, so you’ll never see anyone again.
- Wear a mask.
- Shave your eyebrows.
- If you dated a baller, *all* athletes eat in Ferris. It doesn’t matter if they’re fencing or hooping–you know where you’re not eating for the rest of your life.
mariah carey truism via Vanity Fair