Mother’s Day: if you disappoint your mother, it’s a scarier holiday than Halloween.

In the midst of packing, finishing finals, and drinking the rest of the Svedka in your fridge in order to “clean the fridge out,” you’re tired, you’re exhausted, and you can’t wait to be home. All of a sudden, it hits you: Mother’s Day looms in the near future, mocking you as for the ten-thousandth time, you have forgot this sacred holiday. Here’s some ideas that will help you throw together a last-minute present. 

The cop out: Rush over to the Columbia Bookstore and buy one of those $20 Columbia Mom T-shirts. Although not creative, if you have some cash and are rushed for time, this is a good option.

Pull out the crayons: Grab some extra markers and crayons and draw your mom a picture. Even if you’re artistic skills haven’t developed past the 5th Grade, we’re sure you’re mom would like that shit. Some things you can draw: a nice photo of a memory the two of you have shared, your future (if you think you’ll have a good one,) and your hopes and dreams. Avoid completely: trying to draw your mom (you’ll only insult her.)

An acrostic poem: Spell out you’re mom’s name and make some magic happen. If you want to make your life easier:

M

O

M

Wrapping it up: If you happened to “steal” some of your mom’s clothes because you either a) puked all over your nice clothes and had to throw them out or, b) got your clothes stollen after leaving it in the dryer for three days, you know what to do. Take all of your mom’s clothes, put them in a spare Morton Williams plastic bag, and use some crumpled-up tissues from your long sad nights in Butler as tissue paper.

Take advantage of Columbia’s resources: See those lovely flowers all over campus? Since everyone’s basically leaving, I’m sure no one would miss them. Take an assortment of purple, white, and red flowers sprinkled all over Columbia.

Reduce, reuse and recycle: Remember those books that you spent over $300 dollars on this year? I’m sure your mom would appreciate a worn copy of the Odyssey or your Economics textbook.

Image via Max Pixel