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Campus Coffee Shops As STI’s

What’s worse: herpes or the pain of spending more than $5 on a single mediocre drink at Starbucks?

You read our “Campus buildings as forms forms of contraception post” (or we hope you did). Here’s our next in the series. We hope you enjoy, and learn something too (about coffee, or sexual health). Remember: STI = sexually transmitted infection.

Blue Java Cafe = Yeast Infection. Technically not an STI, but we are including it. Not the worst, but you also don’t want it. Easily gotten rid of using over-the-counter meds.

ButCafe = Syphilis. It’ll drive you (literally) insane. Harder to cure as time goes on. Highly infectious.

Starbucks = Herpes. More people have this than you’d think. As much as you wanna pretend you’ve never had it, you’ll be stuck with the virus for life. Symptoms can improve. Frappes = genital herpes.

Hungarian Pastry Shop = Chlamydia. Sounds scary but really just takes itself too seriously. You can get rid of this, but it might come back. Interrupts your sex life. You may see profs, TAs, or Sciences Po students posting up here all day.

Oren’s = UTI. Also not technically an STI, but if it were, it would be the basic one. Everyone’s been here. Not great, but not horrible. Conveniently located near Duane Reade, so you can pick up that over-the-counter treatment kit.

Joe’s Coffee = Gonorrhea. Many have been here, but few know it. Easy to miss until you’re inside. If you have symptoms, you’ll know. Curable with antibiotics.

Maxx Café = Hepatitis A, B, or C. Fucks with your liver. Takes a while to walk here. Can be gotten rid of, but can also become chronic. Be careful.

Brownie’s = Trichomoniasis. How exactly do you get here? One of the less common STIs, but if you know, you know.

Up Coffee = Donovanosis. For real though, what is this. Rare STI.

Nous = Public Lice (Crabs). Niche. Not actually an STI, but an insect. Need a graduate student ID to get in.

Coffee via Wikimedia Commons

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