Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
Articles

It’s Fucking Cold 2: Arctic Boogaloo

self-immolation never smelled so good

It’s so fucking cold.

Polar winds blast down Manhattan’s avenues. Dogs are reduced to wearing tiny, adorable little baby shoe things if they wish to set foot on the frigid pavement. Those from warmer climes throw on layer after layer to no avail, still finding themselves shivering and their extremities numbed. Perhaps Mother Nature decided it would be funny to prove Trump right about “global warming” by freezing us all to death? If so, her sense of irony will be appreciated on Twitter, before everyone’s phones freeze and we have to start burning our computers to keep warm.

As people huddle together for warmth around barrels full of the burning remains of those who’ve succumbed to hypothermia, White Walkers pour forth from the Stock Exchange, slaughtering those who can’t flee or pause to beg them to loan their fleece vests, Canada Gooses, or traditional ice-covered lamellar armor. Slowly, it will begin to snow dry ice as temperatures drop further and CO2 is frozen out of the atmosphere. Then, with grim inevitability, it will begin to rain nitrogen, and then oxygen, as the seas freeze and all life is extinguished, leaving Earth a sterile snowball in a cold, dark universe.

Good luck out there.

Image via the goddamn Weather app

Ugh

 

 

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Ad
Ad

Have Your Say

Fun and flirty spring activities?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

On Easter Sunday, ISLAMIC terrorist attacks in Sri Lanka killed at least 207 CHRISTIANS and wounded MORE THAN 250 others. (read more)
Bwoglines: Terrorist Bombings Weaken The Recovery Of The Sri Lankan Civil War Edition
April 22, 2019
Anti semitic events get so much publicity, especially in the US, but anti Christian and anti Catholic violence and discrimination (read more)
Bwoglines: Terrorist Bombings Weaken The Recovery Of The Sri Lankan Civil War Edition
April 22, 2019
This chat is much lamer and tamer than previous Group Chats. Guess they weren't wrong when they called Gen (read more)
The Columbia Class of 2023 Group Chat Is Fucking Weird
April 21, 2019
the bot makes drake memes too (read more)
The Columbia Class of 2023 Group Chat Is Fucking Weird
April 21, 2019