Connect with us

All Articles

Please Wash Your Hands Exclusively In Milstein

Friday Daily Editor, Brigid Cromwell knows the only thing better than premarital sex is antibacterial soap.

It’s 2:37 PM on a Wednesday. I’m sitting in my room staring at the wall, enjoying my last minutes of freedom before departing to my first year writing class for an hour and fifteen minutes of pure soul-searching. Suddenly, I remember. I must empty my bladder. I contemplate walking down the hallway to the Brooks bathroom, reveling in the luxury of the wet countertops and toilet paper strewn across the floor. No, I won’t indulge myself today. Then, the thought comes to me. The soap in the Cheryl and Philip Milstein Center for Teaching and Learning.

I leave my dorm in a hurry, running down the stairs and across the quad, passing Barnard Hall where my writing class is about to start and throwing the glass doors of Milstein open wide. Finally, I reach the bathroom. Here, I find what I’ve been looking for: the best smelling soap on the entire campus of Barnard College of Columbia University in the City of New York. I spend three whole minutes washing my hands, lathering and rinsing like the posters in Olive Garden bathrooms demonstrate. My chakras are now aligned, my hair is shinier, and my arteries are unclogged.

Please wash your hands in Milstein, even if it’s your only reason for entering the building. To Cheryl and Philip, I thank you.

Imposter via Bwog Staff

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


1 Comment

  • John Duesler says:

    @John Duesler Fantastic

  • Have Your Say

    What should you actually Venmo people for?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Popular This Week

    Sorry. No data so far.

    Recent Comments

    What a racist and reactionary comments section. Ignoring the real concerns of those advocating for restorative justice is a bad (read more)
    Concerns Over Tess Majors Investigation Grow As New Developments Emerge
    January 16, 2020
    Fabulously wealthy college students... (read more)
    e’s Bar Has Closed
    January 16, 2020
    Restorative justice is just the "woke" thing to say. None of these kids have any idea what they're talking (read more)
    Concerns Over Tess Majors Investigation Grow As New Developments Emerge
    January 11, 2020
    Yeah. It is all city money and property and infrastructure. New York should be doing the same for its (read more)
    The Aftermath: Columbia’s Relationship With The Greater Harlem Community
    January 11, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel