Eliza Moss-Horwitz, a Latenite queen, tells us all about how we are all like ducks in her senior wisdom. Read on if you’re confused. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Eliza Moss-Horwitz, Barnard College, Northampton, MA

Claim to fame: tried to make barnard buy sell trade a bartering economy based group, lost my phone and made it make the beeping sound in the library at least five times, tried to throw myself a party in the brooks lounge and still! got! shushed!

Where are you going? okay look sophomore year i took a literature class and the professor told us that everyone at this school is like a duck because when you look at a lake you’re like: “oh, wow! beautiful ducks and so peaceful, must be so easy for them.” but then underneath the water ducks have to work like SO hard to stay afloat. but when we look at them, we’re like: “wow, they have it all figured out.” but they don’t! everytime people talk about where they’re going they act…..like the ducks! it’s not an answer to the question but also pls take note this answer is a great strategy for covering-up when you’re lost in class aka don’t answer the question and instead diverge from the topic with a personal anecdote

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2023?

1. you are your own individual with your own distinct needs, wants, dreams, and comparing those abilities, needs, wants to others around you is silly! on the other hand, the world basically forces anyone who is capital D Different to make themselves feel like a constant failure for not fitting the norms of this scary world. my saying this can’t really undo the systematic issues but ground yourself in who you are rather than who you are not! you bring exciting, challenging, and valuable things to this community! they are important — you are important!
2. we can work together instead of against one another — once we think about ourselves as worthy of love and care kinda regardless of how we compare to other people, we also realize that we work best, together! i’m not just saying that because i love group projects (unpopular opinion i know). this institution consistently tries to tell us that we cannot and should not work together – that we should always be in competition with one another over grades, fellowships, opportunities of literally any kind – but we work best together! we can have a collaborative educational community when we actually all want to learn and help one another learn together. more broadly, looking beyond our own immediate identities and standing in solidarity with those who are most vulnerable on this campus i think is the same logic of working together not against one another!!!
3. you are not defined by your output, by grades or “competitive fellowships,” or “Internship Opportunities™” — you are defined by the person you already are, one deserving of love and acceptance. also please go to sleep and ask for help and lean on your friends, even when it is so so scary, you should not have to suffer alone and you deserve support.

“Back in my day…” hewitt dining hall served latenight with endless nachos and fake cheez sauce, astrology was a niche interest that made you unique, “barnard lawns” was a dark tunnel with no light at the end except diana 2 which was heaven for queer socialite culture

Favorite Columbia controversy? not favorite :( but being yelled at by a professor who told me i “hated my ancestors” because i was standing with jewish voice for peace was a massive L and reminded me how much so many of my communities on this campus were afraid to talk about Palestine! but actually favorite controversy is when people from the columbia vegan society yell at each other on facebook abt animals lmfao

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: queer astrology at barnard college the liberal arts college for women in the city the city of new york has been (post) (post) (modern) (post) (poned)

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Islam with Professor Haider and every single class in the religion department! take one! It’ll change ur ~~soul~~ and you will learn a whole bunch (it will not give u answers to ur existential anxiety so pls be aware) also every creative writing class i have taken has changed my entire sense of my own voice pls take one!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? would rather give up the lerner party space (L P S )

Whom would you like to thank? my family and friends, lena, anyone who does not glare at people in the library who don’t yet have a seat, the incredible teachers that helped me see myself as a capable learner, barnard college give and go green clothing swap, all the staff at barnard and columbia who work tireless hours to keep this campus running and get basically no recognition, all the communities that keep one another awake alive alert full of love and laughter and latenite theater ty for being my home <3333

One thing to do before graduating: try REALLY hard to make the lerner “no homework room” an actual NO homework room and then realize that — wait a second — you are not obliged to be doing homework every second! you are a worthy human being beyond your academic output!

Any regrets? not forming flute punk band 4 bachanal : ( lmao xd