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First-Year Wisdom: Eliza Staples

Senior Wisdoms are a signature Bwog series, and so we thought we’d expand it to first-years too. New Bwogger Eliza Staples brings us her vast wisdom gained from three weeks on campus. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Eliza Staples; Barnard 2023; who knows; Newport, RI (Rhody gang rise UP)

Claim to fame: I have been quoted in one Bwog article already! See Nicki Camberg’s article about the ghost of Brooks 5.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia?

  1. You better put your NSOP bracelet on the right setting when you first put it on, otherwise, you will regret your choices for the rest of the week. There is no going back.
  2. If you’re having an issue, cry about it. That post-cry mental clarity is a godsend.
  3. Get a Duane Reade loyalty card, or promise them your firstborn. Whatever you need to do for cheap prescriptions.

Back in my day (three weeks ago)… It was comically hot, every day. For a while, I was making it work with only 2 folders and about 12 sheets of loose-leaf paper. I cried during almost every interaction I had with an authority figure. The hottest conversational topic was which Welcome Week party you attended, and to what extent it sucked. Hewitt was still an active construction site.

Favorite Columbia controversy: That person who broke the glass in Carman. People took that story and RAN with it. I’m glad the glass-breaker’s story is now being correctly told. (Also, having any kind of breakable substance in Carman is just asking for trouble, in my opinion.)

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I am excellent at thinking up cat names. You know who to call if you have an unnamed cat.

Favorite class at Columbia: My Intro to Statistical Reasoning Class goes hard. I feel like I’m learning the super secret truth about how deceptive surveys can sometimes be. There’s a lot of bullshit stories out there, guys. Stay woke.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I love cheese, but cheese does not love me back. Yet, I can’t quit it.

Whom would you like to thank? My parents. I was really sick for the first week and a half or so, and they were available any time of the day or night to explain our insurance to me or just to tell me that everything was going to be fine. They are excellent people.

One thing to do before graduating: Attend a totally random class. I shopped a Comp Sci class for one day. It wasn’t my thing, but it was cool to get a look at something I might not have otherwise had the chance to try.

Any regrets? Dorm rooms get messy quick. I should stay on top of that…

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous True insight. More than many of our world leaders these days. Smart but a little self deprecating. Who knew cat naming was in such demand.

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