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What Sculptures Around Campus Should Really Be Named

Have you ever wondered, during your time at Columbia, about just wHat the law library sculpture is? Bwoggers Joya and Mia hereby present you with alternative, more accessible, and spicier names for the many many sculptures slash statues around campus. 

Bellerophon Taming Pegasus:

what law school must feel like

The Thinker:

can you do philosophy and have pants on at the same time?

Life Force:

through which one can either look onto the Manhattan skyline or into an existential crisis!! fun!

The Lion:

the cHeETaH

The Great God Pan:

basic art hoe version:

“Muscles are firm, not a straight body in these statues. They’re all curved, sometimes impossibly curved, and so nonchalant hence their ageless ambiguity as if they’re daring you to desire them.” (Call Me by Your Name)

tell it like it is version:

sexy man reclining behind bushes near mathematics building

Le Marteleur:

you wish you could pose like this for that professional headshot

Tightrope Walker:

how I wish I could walk through the crowd during peak hour at Ferris

Reclining Figure:

the scary-ass spider from The Lord of the Rings

Hamilton statue:


pictures from Columbia Libraries, Columbia Law School, and Wiki Commons

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