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Columbia Gothics

It’s October, so that mean’s it is SPOOKY time. Here are some spooky stories that are bound to make you lose even more sleep this midterm season.

You see a tweet from @bwog saying there are free cookies in Milstein. There are cookies in Milstein every day. You always go to Milstein as soon as you see the tweet, but the cookies are always gone by then.

Your professor says he’ll have open office hours from 3-6 on Tuesdays in Kent. You always have classes from 3-6 on Tuesdays. The day you skip your intro bio lecture to go to office hours. You can’t find Kent.

You get an email telling you to pick up your mail. You get these emails every week. But when you head to the mailroom, they tell you they haven’t processed your mail yet. You’ve never gotten your mail before.

Your roommate took your winter jacket on a snow day. “Why are you such a shit roommate” you yell. You have no roommate. It is October.

You need a book from Stacks 9. You’ve never been to stacks 9 before. In fact, you’ve never been to the stacks at all. You’re too terrified to ask.

“Let’s eat at JJs tonight.” Your friend tells you. You have no more meal swipes. Your friend does not have meal swipes either. You try to bully a freshman into giving you a swipe. He is not a freshman, he is a GS junior.

You reach out to your TA about going over an assignment. The TA tells you to meet them at Blue Java. When you finally find your TA at Blue Java, she waves you over and sits open with her laptop. You have never met her before. She starts talking about your essay. You are in calculus II.

There is no AC during the summer. You are sweating your butt off. “Eat celery,” res life tells you. You are allergic to celery.

Your RA sends you an email telling you to meet them about an infraction. You don’t know what you’ve done. You’re too scared to email your RA back. You live off-campus.

You’re in front of EC, begging residents to be signed in. The resident you ask is alarmed. It is a Tuesday night, there are no parties. People stare at you weirdly. You are in a lot of body paint.

You’ve made the trip from Reid to the paw print station, and it is now finally your turn. You stumble on your uni password twice, then hit print. There is an error on the paper size. You did not know there was a requirement for paper size. You thought all PDFs were the same size.

It is time to register for classes. You log on to your registration portal during your window. You attempt to log in. Your UNI password has expired. You finally reach the box that says “enter new password”. You try 20 different combinations of your name, your dog’s name, and the street you grew up on. They have all been used before.

The bottle flipping man narrowly misses your head with a bottle that he is flipping. You duck frantically but hear no clash. The bottle flipping man never threw anything at you. You are the bottle flipping man.

You’re told that your first class was on the first floor of SIPA. You have been walking forever but cannot find it. You’re not sure the first floor exists.

You’re in Butler and you fall on your butt on the stairs and you just straight up pass away. Yikes.

scary scary via Bwog archives

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