“May I please have a crumb of potassium?” begs Events Deputy Editor Brigid Cromwell. On this journey of self-realization, Brigid learns there’s nothing you can’t accomplish with a banana and a butter knife.

Invented in 2004 and then made popular by the hit song, “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time,” bananas are a favorite amongst pediatric and geriatric patients. Unlike the music video, bananas, unfortunately, do not dance in real life, but they do pack a punch in terms of vitamins and nutrients.

Readers may be familiar with the show Arrested Development, which further popularized bananas on a national scale. The famous quote from the show actually hits close to home for Columbia students looking to use a meal swipe on a singular banana: “I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost? 10 dollars?” That sounds about right to me.

Clearly, bananas are an integral part of American culture. We can thank Curious George for inspiring Banana Republic and Jack Johnson for literally inventing banana pancakes. Andy Warhol allegedly watched, “It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time” on loop for hours for inspiration to paint his famous banana. Gwen Stefani spelled it out for us, but I will reiterate. This shit is truly bananas.

Now for the recipe:

Ingredients: A banana from Ferris and a butter knife (optional)

Preparation Time: However long it takes you to peel a banana. Here at Bwog, we recommend starting from the bottom of the banana to prevent strings from forming.

Cook Time: There is no actual cooking involved in this recipe.

Directions:

  1. Enter Lerner and swipe your ID.
  2. Walk up the stairs.
  3. Swipe your ID to enter Ferris.
  4. Obtain the banana. We recommend a 6 or 7 inch banana for sustenance purposes.
  5. Peel the banana from the bottom. If you choose to peel it from the top, I simply cannot help you.
  6. Bite into the banana, chew, and swallow.

You can choose to stop here, or you can continue reading for a variation on the traditional banana.

  1. Start with a peeled banana.
  2. Place the banana on a flat surface horizontally.
  3. Grasp the butter knife in your dominant hand.
  4. Cut the banana into slices
    OR cut the banana vertically from top to bottom and eat it that way.
  5. Eat the sliced banana.

As you can imagine, the possibilities are endless. Let your imagination run wild. Go bananas if you will.

A solitary banana via Pexels