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Witchcraft With Bwog: How To Brew The Water In The Phallic Low Fountains

It’s a new installment of Cooking with Bwog! In honor of the upcoming Hallow’s Eve, Bwogger Cara will provide you with a no-muss no-fuss potion to get you through midterms.

As you may have noticed, the phallic fountains on Low Plaza are now functioning and flowing liquid! As you may know, their murky elixir is known to possess magical properties. Lucky for you, I’ve learned the recipe for the fountain’s potion for you to brew at your own leisure and convenience.


6 cups stale water from the water fountain on the 4th floor of Butler
One expired tuna sushi roll from Morton Williams
One toe of a subway rat from the 116th St. station
A cog and gear from PrezBo’s weather machine
One hardened, bone-dry donut from the glass case at Joe
3 crispy fallen leaves from Morningside Park
A lime from 1020, marinated well in a gin and tonic
A lone earpod dropped on College Walk
A bite of Aramark Hewitt cheesecake
One gummy bear from JJ’s Place
A lens from a pair of Sian Beilock’s paparazzi sunglasses
Tack/Broken glass (Columbia Dining can happily provide)
A page torn from the notebook of a turtleneck-ed student in Avery (Notebook must be Moleskine or Muji; this is non-negotiable)
The contents of a spit valve of a CUMB trombone

Boil water in a large cauldron; add remaining ingredients. Brew until a stench fills your suite. Lean over the elixir and whisper “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” 5 times. Drink and enjoy!

sweet nectar via Wikimedia Commons

witchcraft and wizardry via Pixabay

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1 Comment

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous i’m gonna be sick

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