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You Might Think It’s Fucking Cold But Imagine Being From California

Bwogger and SoCal resident Nicki Camberg has some questions, namely: what are duck boots? What is she supposed to do when it snows? Is sledding an actual thing? These aren’t rhetorical please help her.

I’m cold. “So?” you might ask. No, you don’t get it. I’m freezing. If it wasn’t for the Barnard tunnel system, I would be frozen. 

I’m from Los Angeles, as many of us seem to be here, and the coldest it got last year was 40 degrees. The average temperature so far for November in NYC? 44 degrees. 

FORTY-FOUR DEGREES!!!!!!

I have not been prepared for this! I see you East Coasters walking around campus in shorts and dresses, but the last time I wore a tank top was NSOP. I don’t understand what to wear, all my sweaters are purely decorative. I tried to wear one of my many teddy bear jackets when it rained, and it’s still wet. My mom took me to buy a winter coat that said it was good for up to -30 degrees, but I’m still cold and it’s not even snowing. Don’t get me wrong, the heat back home can get unbearable and part of the reason I came here is to experience seasons, but a line has been crossed. 

How do you live like this? I’ve been in snow before, but in LA we get to choose when to take our annual trek to Mammoth Mountain and the winter season only lasts as long as you’re there. It’s cold sometimes, but after a week it’s back to normal. This is not what’s happening here – I’m sorry to report, but once it got cold, it stayed cold. Will it ever be not cold again? Are my fingers going to fall off? Also, why did no one tell me that HAIR FREEZES?? That is insane and sounds completely fake I still don’t believe it. 

You locals might like making fun of us Cali kids for bundling up, but just remember, while you might be able to flex wearing your Nike shorts and Birks in the dead of winter, I will be spending my Thanksgiving break tanning, experiencing heat not from wearing 8 layers of outerwear like a burrito but from a glorious ball of fire in the sky (aka the sun, if you haven’t heard of it). We might not have your fancy-schmancy subway system, but we will never be vitamin D deficient like you east coast losers, and we have functioning air conditioning systems that allow our building to maintain that perfect 72-degree temperature always. 

The author crossing Broadway for her 8:40 am lecture, colorized, 2019 via Bwog Archives

 

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3 Comments

  • vegas says:

    @vegas u sweet summer child

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Wow classy article title, that’s really disgusting people.

    1
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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous I would rather step in a pile of snow than a pile of human feces. California is literally a shit hole.

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