It’s a truth universally acknowledged that bathrooms are the Wild West of communal living spaces. But we promise it doesn’t have to be this way. Whether you live in a dorm, an apartment or are just going about your daily life, follow Bwog’s bathroom rules so we can all shit in peace.

Shower

• Please don’t fuck! You’re not “saving water”; you’re forcing me to think about your fluids when I shower. Also if you live somewhere with stalls (i.e. Wien), please know that we can see you walking down the hallway in towels together. We know what you’re doing. You’re not sneaky.
• Please do not flood the bathrooms. Close the curtain when you shower. It’s literally just like a yank and then bam! No water all over the floor. I’ve used this shower. There is NO reason why there should be like an inch of water on the ground. What are you even doing in the bathroom?
• Don’t Facetime in the shower. Don’t scream or sing or play YouTube videos in the shower. Just shower and leave. (Ed. Note: An occasional shower sing-along is good for the soul. Every day? You’re pushing it.)
• Don’t talk to me while I’m taking a shower?? Feel like this shouldn’t have to be said, but I was once asked a question about floor happenings while showering…by someone else who was also showering?? Not even really an asshole move but truly just a bewildering experience.
• Take your hair out of the fucking shower after you shower. Please.
• Try to dry yourself (or at least your hair) in the shower before you come out instead of leaving the entire floor wet with water.
• Leave at least one of the shelves free in the shower so your roommates can have a place to put their stuff too.
• Throw away empty shampoo/conditioner bottles; don’t just let them sit there empty for months.

Toilet

• Flush the damn toilet.
• If the toilet paper is out, then please replace it.
• Penis People: I don’t understand why it is so hard not to piss on the seat. The toilet is right there. Just…aim…? If that is truly too difficult, lift the toilet seat! And if you do happen to miss, just (and repeat after me now) clean it up!
  • Also, put the seat back down.
• If you leave skid marks or splatter damage that persists after two flushes, it is on YOU to clean that up. It’s gross and no one else wants to see it.
• Don’t leave toilet paper with obvious excrements in the trashcan. Wrap it up or just flush it!
• If the toilet is clogged/broken, don’t just leave it like that. Fix it or call the building’s super/Facilities/literally anyone to come help.
• If there’s a lid you can close when you flush, close it. Otherwise, germs get everywhere and if you think about it too long, you’ll start to feel kind of nauseous.

Sink

• If you can’t make it to a toilet and throw up in a sink, please just clean it up yourself if you can (and call Facilities if you can’t). If you don’t, everyone will have to look at it for days and then eventually someone else will have to clean up a stranger’s vomit. No fun for anyone.
  • Same goes if you throw up anywhere really. Just clean it up or call Facilities so they can send someone over. We’re begging you.
• Don’t get toothpaste on the mirror. I don’t know how the fuck this happens but literally WHY and HOW did you get TOOTHPASTE on the fucking MIRROR? Are you brushing your teeth and then spitting at your reflection? I just do not understand. (Ed. Note: If you do get toothpaste on the mirror (look, it happens) clean it up. That’s all we ask.)
• Don’t leave nasty toothpaste clumps in the sink.

Just Basic Human Decency Oh My God

• Don’t question which bathroom someone chooses to use. Their identity is their identity, we all need to pee, and most importantly, it’s none of your business.
• If you know there’s a line,  don’t be on your phone, reading a book, or otherwise fucking around while in the bathroom. You’re holding all of us up and there may be an emergency.
• Don’t use the ADA bathroom unless it’s the only option available/you yourself are in need of the ADA stall. For some people, that’s the only restroom they can use and if its occupied when they need it, they can be forced to wait a really long time. Also, if there’s a line and someone comes who needs to use the ADA stall, restroom, let them use it first. You can use any stall that opens up and as such, won’t need to wait as long.
  • The same goes for gender-neutral bathrooms as there are very few on-campus in general and some trans and nonbinary people feel unsafe using gendered restrooms. If it’s the only one available, go for it but be as quick as you can so others can use it after you.
• Please clean up before you leave. All the (shaved) hair on the floor is not a pretty sight.
• Watch your volume level and don’t be ridiculously loud. I live right across the hall from my floor’s bathroom and I swear people go in there at 2 am for the sole purpose of YELLING.
• Don’t throw fish in the trashcan the day before staff isn’t scheduled to clean the bathrooms for a whole weekend. Just don’t.
  • Actually, don’t throw any room in the bathroom trash. You will get bugs and it will be disgusting. Put it in the kitchen trash if you don’t want it in your room.
• If the trash is full then take the trash out instead of trying to pile things on top.
• Do NOT hang out in the bathroom after you’re done showering to talk on the phone. We get that it’s hard to find privacy sometimes but your suitemates need to pee!!
• If it’s your turn to clean the bathroom, just clean the bathroom. It doesn’t take that long when everyone sticks to the schedule and does it regularly.

how hard is it to keep the bathroom looking like that via Bwog Archive