Bwogger Nicki Camberg already has a flashlight on her phone, and thinks the string lights on the trees on College Walk are taking up valuable real estate. She and the rest of Bwog humbly present this list of alternatives that they truly think Columbia should take into consideration next year. 

Lights? Who needs em, because I sure don’t! Cavemen didn’t have string lights, they worked for their illumination! Now, I’m not suggesting we set the trees on fire, but I do think we could make better use of that space, create a winter wonderland that is more fitting to the Barnard/Columbia Community. I’ve brainstormed, really put my noggin to it (thank you to my first-year seminar for making me such a critical thinker), and these are the ideas that Bwog has come up with to replace them.

  • Items from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Holiday 2019 Gift Guide, including but not limited to: the $250 brass fire extinguisher, the $100 dehydrated caviar bar, the $95 sex pillow, and the $75000 custom family documentary photo album
  • Money
  • NSOP wristbands
  • Your lost gloves
  • JJ’s mozzarella sticks
  • Tampons
  • Shitty Butcaf coffee lids
  • Canada Geese
  • Ferris mints
  • All the receipts you’ve amassed this semester from the MoHi establishment of your choice (MoWillys, Duane Reade, etc)
  • Spread out all the clothes from Barnard Buy Sell Trade on the branches. Most expensive stuff at the tops of the trees. You’re gonna CLIMB for that Reformation dress.
  • The singular piece of paper someone is using to reserve their private study room in Milstein
  • Helium balloon letters spelling out “RUSH BWOG” (Welcome class of 2024!!)
  • Other, smaller trees
  • Columbia rejection letters
  • The readings you did not do this semester
  • Printouts of Stan Liao’s memes
  • Menorahs
  • Colorful string lights, or exciting ones, ie open-mouthed bass fish or DIY your own out of all the Smirnoff you drank in ref during reading week
  • The laundry that was taken out of machine mid-cycle by a rude neighbor
  • Hair swept up from the Quad bathrooms following the ceremonial “Barnard Chop”, extra points if it’s dyed an unnatural color
  • The emails your professor never responded to

College Walk of yore from Bwog Archives