Connect with us

All Articles

The Mysteries Of The Ferris Avocado Toast Bar

It was a normal Monday morning, and I had dragged myself out of bed for a Ferris breakfast. Waiting by the toaster I watched in dismay as the last bits of avocado were viciously scraped from the metal container. Resigned to a different breakfast I turned away from the scene, but something caught my eye. There, in the background, I saw the refrigerator in the kitchen and inside it bags and bags of when can only be described as green goo. Imagine my horror when this green goo was then squeezed from its plastic tomb into the avocado bowl.

I left Ferris that morning scarred. I couldn’t get the image of those bags out of my mind, and it only led me to wonder what else is being hidden from us.

After countless sleepless nights, plagued by images of the inside of that refrigerator, I have taken it upon myself to compile a list of questions surrounding the Ferris avocado toast bar. Questions that we all deserve answers to.

1. Where does it come from? Is there some factory that blends and mass packages the avocado into the plastic bags? Is it shipped to Ferris, flown, hand-delivered? I need answers.

2. Why is there always a massive chunk of frozen avocado at the bottom? I feel like an amateur archaeologist when I have to dig for the spreadable section. I’m still haunted by the morning I bit into a pure block of green ice.

3. Why is it so popular? I like it as much as the next person, but people are like vultures with the stuff, scraping the bottom of the bowl, hissing at anyone who skips the line that forms every morning. It’s like green, squishy gold. Why? Is there some addictive quality we don’t know about?

4. What is in it? I know for sure it’s not just avocado, there’s something else. Top theories so far are shredded copies of the Iliad, glue, fairy lights, and stick deodorant. I mean it’s probably salt. But, still. A mystery.

5. Who decided raw onion was an appropriate topping for avocado toast? Listen, we just need to talk.

Many other mysteries surround the breakfast selection at Ferris, but it would us far too long to cover them all. If anyone discovers the answers to these questions, especially number five, be sure to let me know.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


Have Your Say

What should you actually Venmo people for?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

Truly truly, I loved this piece. Keep up the good work! (read more)
Recent Columbia Crushes That Bwog Will Be Taking The Liberty To Cancel
February 22, 2020
not online unfortunately (read more)
Review: Bold Beautiful Barnard Underwear
February 22, 2020
It’s being renovated. You will survive. (read more)
ConspiracyBwog: The Pupin Elevator is a Portal to Hell
February 22, 2020
or maybe don’t be annoying? just a thought (read more)
To Whoever Just Shushed Me On Milstein 2
February 21, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel