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Bwog » Best Bathroom Stalls To Awkwardly Stand In To Ensure You’re Fashionably Early

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Best Bathroom Stalls To Awkwardly Stand In To Ensure You’re Fashionably Early

A Bwog Staffer shares their advice on the best bathroom stalls to stall in when you’re running early but not early enough that you can go back to your dorm.

Do you ever leave your dorm just a smidge too early for class and want to avoid being the first one there? Do you ever head out to meet someone on campus and realize if you get there a few minutes too early you’ll seem too enthusiastic? Do you ever start out on your way to something and realize you had the time off by a few minutes and so you’re perfectly timed exit from Butler will now have you running 10 embarrassing minutes early? (Do you ever feel like a plastic bag….just kidding!) The simple solution to all of these timing problems is simple: find a bathroom stall to hide in until you’re certain you’ll arrive fashionably on time–or what I like to call “Stalling in a Stall.”

In order to have the best Stalling in a Stall experience, you have to be intentional in choosing your bathroom. The top factors to think about are location, emptiness, and personal attachment. Based on these factors, I have ranked my top five bathrooms to stall in.

  1. Barnard Hall Entrance Level: this bathroom is conveniently located for anyone who started their journey from the Columbia campus to the Barnard one and then realized they needed to adjust their pacing. It is pretty clean and very easy to get to from the street. For this convenience alone this bathroom is number one.
  2. Milstein Floor 2: although you’ll have to out compete people studying in the library for this one, it’s totally worth it. This bathroom is generally really clean, and, most importantly, there are no cracks between the stalls. This means no one will accidentally see you pleading with your phone’s clock to change the rate of time’s passing to one that finally works for you.
  3. A Bathroom in Hamilton: Hamilton bathrooms have some problems, for sure, among them getting quite crowded and only having two stalls. But, if you’re running just a tad bit too early to class in Hamilton, which happens to me all too much, these are the most convenient stalls in which to wait it out.
  4. Philosophy: these bathrooms are good if you’re running a bit too early on your journey north to south or south to north on Columbia’s campus. They’re somewhat centrally located, not too crowded, and on lower floors.
  5. Ultimately the world is a bathroom. Squirrels urinate all over the Barnumbia campuses and no one bats an eye. So, if none of the above bathrooms speak to your stalling habits, not to worry. Simply cower in a corner anywhere or pace the length of college walk. 

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