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How To Celebrate Valentini’s Day

Because what else does V-Day stand for?

It is widely believed that February 14th is Valentine’s Day, a holiday named after the patron saint of epilepsy (no, I’m not making that up) that is meant to serve as an opportunity to celebrate romantic/courtly love. Traditionally, this holiday is celebrated by showering your partner with flowers and chocolates and other symbols of affection. In some European countries, it is celebrated by giving children a metal key that is supposed to ward off epilepsy. (I’m sorry for bringing the epilepsy thing up again; I just found out about this five minutes ago and it’s all I can think about now.)

This conception of Valentine’s Day is rooted in misunderstanding. February 14th isn’t even Valentine’s Day. Any good Columbia student knows that February 14th is, in fact, Valentini’s Day, a day on which we celebrate Dean of Columbia College James J. “Deantini” Valentini. Deantini might not be a literal saint like St. Valentine, but that fact does not do anything to limit just how much love Bwog has for, and how much Bwog loves writing about, Deantini. Instead of coming together with your partner to honor St. Valentine, come together to honor St. Valentini!

Looking for ways for you and your partner to celebrate this holiday? Look no further! Some Bwog staffers have put together a list of ideas for how to pay respect to James J. Valentini, the only Valentine you need:

  • Go for a couples massage so you and your partner can both relax enough to achieve Beginner’s Mind.
  • Buy your partner a bouquet of blue roses — Pantone 292 roses, to be exact.
  • Cuddle up and watch The Lion King, since, after all, what is Deantini other than a king of Lions?
  • Share a romantic kiss with your partner at the most romantic spot on campus: the map near the Office of Undergraduate Admissions, where Deantini is allegedly known to linger on occasion.
  • Make a couple of Deantini Martinis.
  • Buy a life-size cardboard cutout of Deantini and bring it with you to your Valentine’s dinner so that you and your partner can #DineWithDeantini.
  • Film your partner and yourself participating in the Renegade Dance Challenge, just as Deantini did not too long ago.
  • Go on a scavenger hunt that ends in Deantini’s mysterious Havemeyer 528H office, which may or may not exist.
  • Go give out free hugs on College Walk, as he has done in the past.
  • Frolic through Butler 209 and hand out candy canes.
  • Kiss a horse!

Nothing but respect for my dean via Bwog Staff

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