Staff writer James Perry perused the Columbia University online archives’ yearbook collection. Here’s which Columbia student you would have been in the days of old.

Columbia University goes back a looong time, and, if we’re honest, it was a WASP nest until very recently. Despite that, when taking a look at the past students, we can see archetypes among them that are present even today! You’ve already seen the Barnard archetypes. Now, let’s take a trip down Columbia’s memory lane as we step into the new semester and see who past Columbia students would be if they were in our classes today:

The Power Squad

They go to parties together. They’re probably in most of the same clubs. Their Instagram pictures are all with each other. If one of them is a Barnard student, the others are a guaranteed sign-in to the Columbia dorms. They’re great people, but if you spend time with them all together you’ll probably feel a bit left out because they’re so close with each other.

The Dining Hall Aficionados

They know when each dining hall is open by heart. They go to every single themed event. They can, miraculously, find a seat in Ferris during peak hours. They can make meals to feed a small family out of food taken from the dining halls. They don’t really like Hewitt but can appreciate Diana. They have very strong opinions on which dining hall has the best breakfast food.

The Ones Who Everyone Thinks Are Barnard Students

Maybe they said their astrological sign when they met you, and that was what tipped you off. Maybe they wear Doc Martens and cuff their jeans. Maybe they have colored hair. Maybe they read a lot. Maybe they’re a feminist. Maybe they speak up a lot in discussion classes. Maybe they spend a LOT of their time on Barnard’s campus. But, when you ask them about their Barnard experience, they give you a funny look and say that they’re literally in the same Core class as you.

The Athletes

They always wear their Columbia Athletics gear. For reasons unknown, they eat in Hewitt in sizable groups. They’re tall and a bit intimidating. They… fight dragons with baseball bats? Even if they don’t, you’re still a bit impressed by their commitment to getting up at the crack of dawn to go to practice in the mornings.

The Softbois, or The Timothée Chalamets

They’re in your 1000-level Philosophy class. They like to write poetry and listen to instrumental music. They look… so similar to Timothée Chalamet that it’s concerning but, honestly, you like the look. They might quote some dead male poet to you. They might write you a poem similar to the one above, but it’s just the one poem they’ve written that they give to everyone. They probably make TikToks showing off their outfits and stunning physiognomy.

The Two Guys Being Bros

Just two dudes being pals!

The People Who Stand Outside Of Butler And Smoke

They’re always there. Maybe they’re with a friend. Maybe they’re a foreign student and they dress impeccably, so even if you do breathe in a little smoke walking by you still have to admit that their fit is sharp.

The Guys That Talk Over You In A Discussion Section

They creep into the seminar room. They seem benevolent at first, nodding along to your TA. Then they hit you with that “well, actually,” and you know it’s all over. No matter what you say, they’ll raise their hand in the middle of your point, wait until you’re done, then say, “piggybacking off of that…” and repeat what you said. Maybe there’s a topic where the wrong position is painfully obvious and a Very Bad Take, and you think that it’s safe, that you’re in a comfortable environment, when they reach down into their backpack and pull out that “I’m just going to play devil’s advocate!” They say each every single discussion section for the rest of the semester. Conversely, there’s…

The Guys Who Drink Their Respect Women Juice

They actually bring up respectful, thoughtful, and poignant points during discussion sections. They bought Barnard sweatshirts and wear them routinely. They study in Milstein. They will walk with you to your destination if you even remotely hint at being uncomfortable. They listen to your problems and will actually sympathize or offer solid advice rather than shift the conversation back to themselves.

The SEAS Students

“Man, my midterms are stressing me out,” you say, during the two weeks in the middle of the semester when you have all of your midterms. “Right…” says the SEAS student, who had a midterm yesterday, today, tomorrow, last week, next week, in two weeks, in a month, last month, the week before finals, during finals, and before the semester even started. Few people outside of SEAS really understand SEAS. Engineering…? I heard of her.

The Low Fountains

Steadfast. Eternal. Ever-flowing (except during the winter). A true constant in the Columbia experience.

The Activists

They are passionate about politics, the environment, and everything else. They have gone to every protest possible in the city. They are outspoken in the best way possible. They have stickers all over their laptops from campaigns, non-profits, and other organizations that they support. They’re quick to point out injustice, and they stand up for you when you need it.

ye olde Columbia via the Columbia University Archives

1968 Protests via the Columbia Digital Library Collections