Senior Staff Writer Henry Golub’s got some new suitemates he’d like to talk about.

There’s an old saying that the farther you get from water, the more you feel like a fish.

I tend to agree.

Today I’d like to discuss a very personal, even serious topic: my new suitemates. It has been a challenging adjustment living alongside labradoodles I haven’t seen in over a year. I had forgotten at school that dogs are demanding suitemates—and that they often forget even the most simple of common courtesies. Neither of my dogs ever clean up, or even pick up, their own dishes. Neither of them vacuum, and I’m pretty sure that neither of them have bathed in like two weeks. Sure, they are “very good girls” and the “best girls!” and all, but why don’t either of them ever dry their own paws after running around outside on a rainy day?

My dogs don’t read Bwog, so I figured I’d use the platform to take a closer look at their behavior over the past few weeks. Here it goes:

Phoebe:

:)

  • Very outgoing
    • Likes letting the neighbors know that she’s outside
  • Such fierce
  • Beautfiul
  • So strong
  • Loves string beans
    • #healthysnacc
  • Not located on Hamilton 7
  • Howls at the moon
    • Likes getting in touch with her roots
  • Overall great personality
  • Goes by “Doebmeister Flex”

:(

  • Steals tissues from pockets
    • So sneaky
  • Ate my shoe
  • Steals socks
  • Likes letting the neighbors know that she’s outside
  • Very jealous
  • Covets thy neighbor’s tennis ball
  • Doesn’t wait for you to dry her paws when it is raining outside and she comes inside
  • Not actually a Portuguese Water Dog

Overall Rating:

  • If my house were Canada, then she’d be French Canada

Penny:

:)

  • Best girl
  • Watches tv
  • Waits for you to dry her paws
  • Doesn’t show off how many books she owns on Zoom
  • Very smart
  • If you walk past her while she’s lying down, she’ll start wagging her tail without standing up
  • Protects the house from people who are walking past it
  • Very friendly

:(

  • Likes Supertramp

Overall Rating:

  • If my house were Canada, then she’d be Prince Edward Island.

I was just kidding before, my dogs are the best suitemates.

Phoebe via Moi

Penny via Moi