Who’s to say that Bwog isn’t also comprised of pieces that have shaped mankind throughout the ages?

It’s no secret that about 69.967% of Columbia first-years do not read do their readings for Lit Hum (according to a quick back-of-the-envelope that I will not be sharing). Is it because it’s long? Is it because most of it is written by dead white men? Well, never fear! We at Bwog have come up with a brand new Lit Hum syllabus that is sure to keep you engaged throughout the year. It’s just an accident that they all happen to be Bwog articles as opposed of actual texts…

Bwog Article #1: Here Are The Best Places To Give Birth On Campus by Jordan Merrill (Replacing The Iliad by Homer)

If The Iliad has become a symbol for your induction into the world of Columbia, this article is the perfect replacement because it also deals with an induction into the world of Columbia…except in a much more literal way.

Bwog Article #2: Best Places On Campus to Ache by Riva Weinstein (Replacing Lyrics by Sappho)

Sappho is definitely aching in some of her poems (even if they are really fragmented). She would have definitely appreciated this very philosophical manifestation of those feelings.

Bwog Article #3: 2girls1snack: Actual Fountains by Ruby Mustill and Zach Fisher (Replacing The Odyssey by Homer)

Odysseus travels oceans to get home, facing many obstacles in the process. In this article, two Bwoggers travel through fountains in search of the best drinking water and encounter similar obstacles such as suspiciously yellow liquids. It’s like they’re the same thing!

Bwog Article #4: How the Other Half Lives by Anonymous (Replacing The Bible)

Gender is irrelevant now. It’s not Adam and Eve, it’s CC and SEAS. Similar to how the first humans were brought into this world without any idea what was going on, so Bwog sent an English student and an engineering student into the great unknown.

Bwog Article #5: Twenty-Two Hours, One Presentation: A Tale of R and Regret by Betsy Ladyzhets (Replacing The Histories by Herodotus)

To be perfectly honest, I skimmed The Histories, but I still feel that I am qualified to say that this article is much better. More interesting things happen in 22 hours in this piece as opposed to the thousands of years that pass in The Histories.

Bwog Article #6: I Was The Cockroach That Margaret Vandenburg Kicked Out Of Class And Honestly, What The Fuck by Anonymous (Replacing The Oresteia by Aeschylus)

Perhaps this is a bit of a stretch but hear me out: murder happens in The Oresteia and murder almost happens in this article. Now we just need another two articles to complete the trilogy – if you see the cockroach, tell them we’re interested.

Bwog Article #7: So You Won’t Be Leaving Your Dorm Room For The Next Four Days? by Anonymous (Replacing Antigone by Sophocles)

Let’s be honest. Creon sending Antigone to her death underground is basically a very dramatic way of him sending his niece to her room. So why not recreate that experience by boning up on ways to keep yourself sane in your dorm room?

Bwog Article #8: Hey, I Just Met You… And This is Crazy by Robert (Replacing The Symposium by Plato)

The Symposium is basically about love in all its forms. So is this article. Also, parts of The Symposium tend to be polarizing. This article is also pretty polarizing if the comment section is any indication.

Bwog Article #9: Late Nite Bwog: The Mattress Mogul by Anonymous (Replacing Aeneid by Vergil)

If you can believe Aeneas founded Rome, then you can surely believe that this drunken Bwogger managed to singlehandedly put Sleepy’s out of business with their ability to procure mattresses.

Bwog Article #10: Columbia Sculptures As People You See on Tinder by Anonymous (Replacing The Metamorphoses by Ovid)

I did not have to read this book for my section, but according to my sources, it’s just full of a ton, vaguely problematic, love stories. What is Tinder if not the same thing (except replace love stories with horny people)?

The Bwiliad via Wikimedia Commons