Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Late Nite Bwog: The Mattress Mogul

Drunkenly written via Notes app in a downtown club, we give you: the saga of the Mattress Mogul.

I am the mattress mogul. I am the mogul of mattresses. I see on the barnard 2022 groupme : who has an air mattress? i do. i have it. you can have it for 5 dollars. i give t to you, for 5 dollars. not for free. that’s not what the mogul does. i have moths to feed. they need me. anyways, 5 dollar a night. it is the price. i buy a mattress off amazon for 19 dollars. good price. that means that i only need 3 nights rental. i make that: easy. i buy a new mattress. i now have two. i rent them both out for 2 nights: i make 20 dollars. i am rich. i continue this until i have 8 mattresses. amazing. my roommate, she doesn’t know why i have so many mattress. i cant tell her i am the mattress king. i have to get rid of everything t i own to make way for the mattresses. mattresses, mattresses, mattresses. i am rich from the mattresses. i rename the milstein center the mattresstein center. amazing. i make money every weekend. cardi b would be proud. and so would cheryl milstein.

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Have Your Say

Where are you going this summer?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

If the whites won't save us, who will? (read more)
Ira Katznelson Named Interim Provost of Columbia University
August 25, 2019
If they were POC, that would be cultural appropriation (read more)
COMIC: 5 Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Got To Columbia
August 23, 2019
Just double the tax (read more)
A Columbia First Year’s Guide To Tipping
August 23, 2019