This Bwogger witnessed an epic faceoff in their Postmodernism class yesterday, which led them to question: if “blackberry” means “I love you,” what does kicking a cockroach out of a classroom mean?
In the words of Billie Eilish: “When we all fall asleep where do we go?” I don’t know, Billie, but I will pose a different question: when the cockroach gets kicked out of class, where does it go?
The time was 2:00 pm. I was roaming around Milbank Hall, as we cockroaches do on the first day of classes. I went to the warmest, most humid classroom I could find and settled down in the front row, reaching in my backpack to retrieve my 0.5 mm Muji pen. Just as I finished writing “Postmodernism Class 1” at the top of my notebook, a gust of wind hit me from the left, causing me to fly across the room and land on my back. Typical. I began kicking my legs in a clockwise motion, hoping I would eventually garner enough momentum to flip myself over. Unfortunately, my efforts were fruitless. People began shuffling into class, some staring at me in horror and others offering a cursory glance. Finally, I thought as Professor Vandenburg entered the room. Her presence rattled me, as I was very excited to take her course.
My excitement turned to horror as she spotted me in the corner while handing out the syllabi.
“It appears we have a special student,” she remarked as she walked over to me. I chuckled and blushed at her recognition, assuming she would do the honors of flipping me upright so I could see myself back to my seat.
Unfortunately, quite the opposite occurred. I was forcibly removed from the classroom via a kick. Yes, Margaret Vandenburg kicked me out of class with her Doc Martens, and I am not okay.
To answer the question posed at the beginning of the story: cockroaches return to the showers in Brooks Hall when they are kicked out of class. Thank your professors for that.
The cockroach in question via Bwog Staff