Do you eat food? No? Never mind.
Bwog is just like you. We drink, sleep, procrastinate, and, on special occasions, we eat. Now that we spend every waking moment on Zoom, our classmates are privy to these rare moments of rogue snacking. We’ve learned that some foods are better than others when you need something to get you through your two-hour class, and anxiety about eating on Zoom is real. Therefore, Bwog presents you with our food findings for those pesky times when you simply must remember to keep yourself alive. Bonus points: Thanksgiving is coming up, and all of these together would make a delightful array for your holiday feast.
Bwog eats soft foods because Bwog still has its baby teeth.
-French fries are a comforting salt mush.
-Banana baby food. It’s like applesauce but better, and consuming it before an audience is a huge power move.
-”Pedal Pedal Peach” GoGo Squeez. It’s definitely the best flavor, but sucking up applesauce in a pouch meant for babies can give off uncomfortable vibes.
-Macaroni and cheese only brings to mind a recent Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion tune. In class, we’re just trying to Work And Participate!
Bwog thinks big, but eats small. Bwog isn’t about to choke on Zoom. These foods are for the self-conscious Zoomers.
-Plain, dry Cheerios are a generally unassuming food, and they keep up with the baby theme.
-M&Ms. Pop a couple in your mouth and you’re good to go.
-Grapes (preferably green, preferably washed).
-Mini marshmallows. You can pop them in your mouth really quickly and then pretend that nothing happened. Food? What’s that?
-Fun size candy bars. Just a little bump of sugar to make class better!
-Fun size candy bars. They aren’t quite bite-size so you’re in the purgatory of chewing for a long and distracting time.
-Cheetos. They make your hands orange, and then you touch your computer to unmute yourself. Now your computer is orange. No one is safe.
Bwog needs a bib!
-Fried rice. There is a weirdly warm comfort in hot homemade fried rice when you’re having a Bad Time in a 3 hour long, 1 credit class.
-Burrito, because you look like a fool when you take a bite and everything ends up in your lap or on your laptop
-Avocado toast, because your class will watch as crumbs and little pieces of avocado inevitably fall on your clothes and keyboard and down your shirt
Bwog might be young and sleepy, but Bwog is still a sentient being and therefore cares about what others think of it.
-Granola bars. Very self-respecting, very disciplined.
-Popcorn. A healthier choice, but still satisfies your salty cravings.
-Also popcorn, when you’re very hungry and you keep shoving too much in your mouth and end up looking like a horse.
-Chips because “CRUNCHYCHRUNKCHEUNCH.”
Bwog does not endorse foods that may be painful for fellow Zoomers to watch you eat. There are only bad foods for this one. Zoom is not a mukbang!
-Spaghetti. Honestly, if I were a professor and I had to see someone chomping up spaghetti over Zoom until it’s all over, it would affect their grade.
-Soup :(. Bwog loves soup, but sadly, it is impossible to eat soup without everyone knowing that you’re bent over a bowl of soup.
-Noodles. Just in general, save your noodles for an after-class treat. Bwog will throw a tantrum if it must witness you slurping up some hot ramen during your discussion section.
snickety snack via Bwog Illustrator Ashley Canales