Oh, to be a college student in November of 2020… Oh, to be alive… Oh, to partake in Field Notes…

Oh, the desire for place, the longing for purpose:

• Lost any sense of stability I had left
• Drove for 19 hours
  • Entered a time loop where only me, I-75, and the steering wheel of my car existed
• Debated whether or not to drop out and work on a container ship
  • (Decided I’m not doing it… yet)
• Wandered aimlessly around a Target just to feel something
• Wanted to go outside but made myself do work instead
  • I guess that’s good. Or maybe it isn’t
• Played chess on my own 
• Considered writing about Emily in Paris but, like, for a CC final paper
• Listened to Megan Thee Stallion’s new album and remembered Who I Am
• Finished making the ugliest sweater on earth
  • It’s okay because I love her
  • Also this is the second time I tried to assemble it so I simply won’t try again

Oh, the need to rest:

• Did the bare minimum, felt bad about it
• Officially burned out
• Decided being exhausted gives me the personality of battery acid
• Crunched cabbage at 1 am while shaking from caffeine I did not know I had until it was too late
• Watched an entire season of Gray’s Anatomy in two days 
• Tried to make progress on a bunch of papers only to be stymied by having to take an ex*m
• Blocked people on Instagram
• Got in an accident at night
  • Was so nervous that all of my photos of the damage are blurry :/
• Had a brief, joyous moment of solitude in my parents’ home

And oh… oh, the yearning:

• Yearned HARD
• Similar to the above, I longed
• Ached
• Achieved little to no progress on schoolwork due to yearning
• Told a boy I like him
  • Regretted that I told him
• Did Not partake in the Columbia Marriage Pact out of pure primal fear
• Wistfully remembered the length of summer days

What comes up when you Google “wistful” with the Creative Commons license on via Wikimedia Commons