Druids and Rangers are advised to apply to a less urban campus.

BUTLER LIBRARY: WIZARD
“Turns out, camping in the library for a week straight allowed me to control the fabric of reality itself.”

Long hours of studying are the only way forward in your field of research, guided by arcane scribblings in the musty tomes which surround you. The lights may dim, and the stars wheel by overhead, but as a student of magic, spellbooks and a sprawling, the always-open library is all you need. Eldritch power may or may not await you deep within the dark, twisting stacks on the eleventh level—but you’ll have to work for it.

LOW LIBRARY/LOW STEPS: BARD
“It doesn’t matter the substance of the event, so long as you do it with a little flair!”

Thriving on drama and being the center of attention, the home for the most prestigious and well-attended events at the university is where you feel most at home. Whether poised and eloquent, threading words together to inspire, or just loud, turning heads by nothing more than volume, the center of campus is the place to do it from.

MUDD/MAKERSPACE: ARTIFICER
“Where there’s smoke there’s fire…and if there isn’t smoke, you’re not pushing your machinery hard enough.”

Magic and science unite through the delicate craft of invention, of building something new, whether it be with delicate artisanal tools or the comforting whir of a 3D printer. Show off your proficiency with a variety of tools—or at least the skills not to burn off a digit. Of course, your creative powers are limited by those same tools, bolstering the complexity of creativity but limiting its scope, perhaps. Or maybe the powers that be just want to prevent you from blowing something else up.

TUNNELS: ROGUE
“The only reason I’m sneaking around is so I don’t have to pay tuition.”

You need to get somewhere. And you’d rather the powers that be didn’t see you getting there, for various reasons. Maybe it’s just because you left your jacket in one of the locked classrooms, or maybe you spotted a nice-looking water bottle that you’re sure no one would miss. Columbia might have locked them up, but they’re no match for your skills of lock picking and stealth.

IAB: PALADIN
“The point of a treaty, or an oath, or any kind of law, is that you keep it!”

International relations and public policy rely on a set of mutual expectations, bolstered by their institutions. You keep your oaths, and you’ve sworn it upon yourself—whether by entering government or more directly with a longsword and shield— to make sure others do as well. Even the steadfast concrete walls of the building speak of a noble resoluteness that isn’t soon lost.

LAW SCHOOL: WARLOCK
“As you can see, under Section 12(b) of the contract with Hyrsam, the Prince of Fools, I valued my soul at approximately 6.5 million…”

Look, we’re all probably going to sell our soul at some point. (And here, I avoided the obvious joke about the business school. A much more talented artist than I has already made it.) Why not make sure you get the fairest deal possible out of it? Contract law will let you drag a bit of magic out of a traded soul, and torts law might prevent the unfathomable being from tearing that soul in half like a piece of candy.

Also, that sculpture out front? That’s definitely a result of someone selling their soul.

D&D dice via Charlie Bonkowsky