Deputy News Editor Bannon educates us all in her Senior Wisdom.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Bannon Beall, Barnard College, Education Studies and History, Topeka, Kansas

Claim to fame: Artful complaining, for the most part. 

Where are you going? Getting a master’s degree, immediately, (like, June 2022 start date) because I am a jobless cliche. 

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2026? 

  1. Go ahead and order a seasonal depression lamp and some vitamin D supplements even if you don’t think you have seasonal depression or a vitamin D deficiency. It gets SO dark, SO early in the winter and the vibes of this institution do not help. Savor the sunlight and protect your happiness at all costs.
  2. If the dining hall chefs are taking their biweekly revenge on the student body and you happen to have a kitchen, I recommend taking plain rice and a bunch of vegetables from the salad bar and making fried rice at home. Just buy some eggs!
  3. If you’re trying to contact anyone in the administration, find out who their assistant(s) and team members (if applicable) are first, and CC as many people as you need to. It will help you get a response. Also, if you’re trying to meet with an administrator, you can search a lot of their schedules in gcal and find an open spot to suggest in your opening email rather than playing “what works for you?” tag for 3-5 business days.

“Back in my day…” We paid for individual loads of laundry, Res Life told us to eat celery to avoid being hospitalized with heat stroke during NSOP, Diana had smoothies every day… life wasn’t necessarily *good* but “you should get tested” had a very different connotation and was generally a more avoidable text. 

Favorite Columbia controversy? Um… why would you ask me this? Please Venmo me for my emotional labor

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Critical Pedagogies with Natalia Ortiz.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’ve gone vegan before and I’d do it again. 

Whom would you like to thank? I don’t know how to answer this earnestly without bursting into tears; conveniently I’m PMSing through finals and likely bleeding through graduation.

One thing to do before graduating:  I’ve still never been in the greenhouse on top of Milbank and if I have to sit and listen to one more speech about The Year Of Our Lord And Savior Science while the Biology department keeps that shit under lock and key I will be tremendously unhappy.

Any regrets? I never did figure out how to get onto the roof of Butler.

Portrait via Bannon