I feel extremely confident with my 2023 bingo card.

1. In their redemption arc, Columbia University better inflates statistics to land itself in the #1 spot on the U.S News rankings as opposed to #2.
2. The Diana Cafe continues to nickel-and-dime students, now charging students one meal point for every rice grain added to their burrito bowl.
3. As a push towards diversity within their faculty, Barnard appoints a straight, cisgender, white male to teach Women’s Studies this Fall 2023.
4. Columbia University strikes down a statue of Hamilton, one of Barnard alum Martha Stewart set to fill its place
5. Due to his rising popularity in the media, Columbia University honors Jake Gyllenhal as the keynote speaker for the class of ’23.
6. In an effort to eradicate sleep deprivation, Butler Library provides seats that can fold out into mattresses for students who have no life and study in the library 24/7.
7. Columbia University provides free meditation classes in the Dodge Gym to justify lengthening the midterm season to an additional month.
8. To ensure equity within the housing options for Barnard freshmen, Sulzberger removes AC from all dorms so that everyone must collectively suffer through the heat of the early fall semester.
9. In an effort to coalesce the Barnard community with Columbia, all students at Barnard must now endure the Core Curriculum.

Me, predicting the future via Bwarchives