Bwog is VERY qualified to bring you this week’s horoscopes. Something is in the stars.

Aries: Your inner flame is burning bright. The stars are aligned in the shape of a pen? Aries, your stars are definitely shaped like a pen right now.

Taurus: Taurus, this week writing will feed your soul. You are hungry. For words. 

Gemini: Gemini, you paragon of duality. It’s time for you to embrace your inner twins! The stars are calling for you to form a partnership. You will feel fulfilled and energized through said partnership. If only there was a place for writers to join together…and share ideas…somewhere on Columbia’s campus. 

Cancer: This week is all about openness. Open hearts, open minds. Open…meetings?

Leo: With the full moon in Leo, you’ve been feeling very spiritually connected to Roar-ee. You can’t help but feel that it’s time for you, too, to become a staple of the Columbia community. But how? 

Virgo: What has been up with Leo recently? Way too much drama. You’re a subtler sort, Virgo. It’s time for you to put your classy, delicate brain to work. I hear there are lots of film screenings happening this week—and Bwog is covering them. Put on your blackest turtleneck and a festive woolen vest and enter your film critic era. 

Libra: Virgo thinks they’re smart just cuz they dress like Joan Didion. You know you can be an amazing writer and wear sweatpants at the same time. At Bwog, we love sweatpants. 

Scorpio: There are never forks at Hewitt. Every single fucking drier in your dorm is taken. Your Comp Lit professor refuses to use Canvas. How are you supposed to remember the random pages he called out at the end of class? Did he say to read 35 to 70, or 35 to 117? But here’s the thing, Scorpio—you’re not reading anything this week. You’re going to Lerner 510 at 9 pm. And you’re gonna write the most scathing Hate Letter Bwog has ever seen. 

Sagittarius: It’s easy to feel inadequate. But be wary of changing yourself to try and appease these feelings. Remember to follow your own path, Sagittarius. And something tells me this Sunday at 9 pm, your path is leading out of your dorm room. Out of the dorm…down the street…to…Lerner 510? Wow! Your path was very precise, Sagittarius. The stars must have something big in store for you. 

Capricorn: This week is all about numbers, Capricorn. Particularly 9 and 510. 

Aquarius: You’ve either had a recent birthday, or one is coming up. Do you know who else had a birthday recently? Bwog. Come to Lerner 510 and soak up the Bwirthday energy!! Bring a party hat! Bring a cake!! To share!!!

Pisces: People are always saying you’re sweet, empathetic, compassionate. And that’s mostly true. But sometimes you aren’t. This is your week to say fuck it. Take a stand! Show the world what you believe in. It’s time for you to write an op-ed. And I’m sorry, Pisces, but you can’t write an op-ed at Bwog. It’s literally the only kind of piece we don’t publish. It pains me to say this…but this week, you need Spec more than you need Bwog. We’ll see you soon, sweet prince. 

(The stars are saying to come to the open meeting in Lerner 510 at 9 pm.)

Astrological chart via Flickr