It’s a metaphor, you see. You put the killing thing between your lips, but you don’t give it the power to kill you.

(TL;DR The drink does not taste like Ice Spice)

Ice Spice and I go way back. We’re actually best friends. You don’t often see a humble girl like me flexing my celebrity connections, but I must bring this photo out here.

A real photo of Bwoggeur, Elaine, and Ice Spice. A very real photo!! NOT EDITED!!!!!

This is a real undoctored photo!! As you may have heard, my bestie dropped her new drink at Dunkin’, the Munchkins Frozen Coffee, on September 13, and, as you may have guessed by the title, I tried it.

This morning, September 26, 2023, started as a calm morning. There was a chill in the air, a slight drizzle smoothing down the concrete as I woke up. When my alarm went off, I knew: I was going to get the Ice Spice drink. 

I set a goal for myself: get through physics lecture. Once I complete my goal, I get to buy myself the Ice Spice drink. And guess what, Bwog fans, I did it! At 11:32 am, my professor finished up our notes on beaded strings (pretty cool concept, guys) and I headed down and out of Altschul and onto Broadway with my friend, Julia.

Julia with her PSL. She said it was mid. But it was in a reusable cup, so…

We made it through the treacherous storm that is the general mist covering Barnumbia this week. We walked past Pupin (hey, Manhattan project!) and Schapiro (I don’t know what goes on in that building, I’m sorry…) and finally made it to our destination: the heavenly oasis of Dunkin on Amsterdam Ave. 

The café was packed full (there were 2 other people in there!) so Julia and I waited our turn and ordered our drinks. As I prepped myself to order, I had no idea what to call the drink! I settled on “The Ice Spice Munchkin Drink” (that is, apparently, not its official name). I spent about $7.00 on the drink, I waited a couple minutes for the coveted smoothie of donut hole and cream, and, finally, I was handed my Ice Spice drink. Mmmm.

I stepped back onto Amsterdam with a spring in my step and a smile on my face ready to take a sip of the drink.

I did not like it.

The drink itself tastes like a pancake drenched in maple syrup, and it has a rather similar consistency as well. It does have actual blended donuts in it and I should have remembered that, but as soon as I got a breadcrumb in my mouth, I had to pause. Why would Dunkin’ Donuts hurt my best friend like this? was all I could think. The recipe online includes water, ice, munchkins, etc. but I firmly believe that there is maple syrup and pancake in it. And possibly a pumpkin spice Bath and Body Works candle. In a voice note I sent to my sister, who unfortunately does not live in the US and will not have the opportunity to try the drink, I said the drink was akin to “making toast in a kitchen where you have formerly wiped the counters down with pumpkin spice Clorox and then lit a Glade candle. And to make the Ice Spice drink, instead of putting the milk or pumpkin in the blender, you accidentally add the candle! And the wipe! Now that you’ve already put the wax and wipe in there, you might as well get that toast in there too.”

And there you have it, the Ice Spice Dunkin’ drink. The drink was a great idea and a great collab, but leave the breadcrumbs out of my coffee. I am not Hansel nor Gretel.

The real Elaine. She is enjoying the drink!! No lies!

Now that I think about it, the choice of the crumb in the drink is whimsical and reminiscent of said Fairy Tale. Maybe the drink was created in a pseudo-metaphoric fashion, reminding us that we are the witch and the bird and the children all at once. It made me think of what it was like to be a child, going about the world only wanting sweets and leaving a line of crumbs behind me to keep myself safe. In a way, the Dunkin’ drink was wombspace (check out WBAR Sundays 4-6 p.m. for more womb). The Ice Spice drink is an amalgamation of flavors and textures, potentially intended to remind us that we are all quilts of memories. 

Guys, Dunkin’ got really deep with this drink. So on face value, I would give it a 0.5/5 munchkins, but, upon using my critical analytic brain, I am now giving it a 3.98/5 for combined flavor and metaphor. Metaflavor if you will.

Tag Bwog on Instagram with your rate and review of the Ice Spice drink! :-)

Photos via author