Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Bwog is here to help.

As the weekend approaches, Bwog provides a guide of  which Columbia bars to take ‘the good, the bad, and the ugly’ of Tinder dates. Date responsibly. 

Mel’s: This hot spot is where you take your well-coordinated, athletic date, who will undoubtedly ditch you an hour in to chill with his or her teammates. Sharpen your conversation skills, ’cause the Black-Friday-worthy line will feel like an eternity. Pro tip: milk mustaches from the alcoholic milkshakes are neither cute nor endearing. For how expensive it is, stick to tequila and lime. If this hot shot doesn’t dip, the sex will be worth it.

Amigo’s: While not a bar per se, this popular hangout has the infamous 32 oz. Fish Bowl that can provide a great icebreaker. Bring your basic but low-key date for drinks before a night of going out, and you will not be disappointed. Whatever qualms either of you had will soon vanish as your BAC’s simultaneously spike. If you must eat, stick to the guacamole and chips. However decently attractive said date was entering Amigo’s, we guarantee they will be a solid 6+ upon exiting.

1020: Bring your Allen Ginsberg reading, vegan-Mac’n’Cheese-eating, hipster date to this closet space. He or she will no doubt be wearing a Joy Division or Nirvana shirt from Urban with ripped jeans, so plan your outfit accordingly. Get ready to spend the night sipping vodka crans from one of the booths while your date watches IFC on the projector in the back. Get ready for a less scary bouncer than Mel’s, but a more crowded, sticky space. If you bag the one hot International willing to go there, our hats are off to you!

The Heights: Bring your more personality-heavy Tinder date to this location for a more laid back night. Picture this: large, lighted windows overlooking a city street as you and your average date sip Frozen Margs and engage in deep conversation. Now factor in that the entire surface area of this tiny space is so sticky, you’d think they paved it with Elmer’s glue. Pro tip: arrive after midnight for a more low-key vibe (aka let all the freshmen file out). Definitely a more intimate and chill vibe at this scenic spot.

Cascabel’s: Not a bar, but their Grande Margaritas are worth the walk to 109th. This restaurant is where you bring the classy, food-snob date that will take no less than fifteen pictures for their Foodstagram… all of which they will then proceed to edit. On the off-chance your date actually puts his or her phone down, you might share a romantic moment.

Arts & Crafts: Take your upperclassman philosophy major date to this spot, which specializes in craft beers and other similarly pretentious, overpriced concoctions. Jabs aside, they make some sick bar food, so if your date decides they’re having an existential crisis and dips, at least you have comfort food. Take your possibly personality-less date to this fine establishment, which can be easily mistaken for a funeral parlor on some weekend nights.

Amity Hall: Take your sophisticated, nouveau riche Tinder date to this grown up spot. Get ready to feel like a grad student or at least a GS student among this older crowd. Get ready for gaudy style, plastic surgery, hair gel, and/or Hermes cologne from this date.

The Abbey: Be prepared to be stood up.

Cannon’s: How to successfully ghost a Tinder date? Tell them to meet you here.

Photo courtesy of FOX’s “Scream Queens”