A few days ago, we received a lengthy tip from a “Randall Owen” allegedly detailing the planning and culmination of a large scale prank on an ignorant EC suite. One of the members of the suite, after his roommate graduated this past semester, conspired with his RA and his impending roommate to create “Randall” under the pretense that “Randall” was actually moving into the suite as a transfer student. As “Randall” relates in his email, the prank involved multiple schemes to slowly convince the suite “that I was a raging asshole.”

After starting with some polite introductions and an explanation that he didn’t have a social media presence, “Randall” began surreptitiously trolling the suite.

Right….

They always seem nice at first.

He let slip (presumably through his confederates) that he supports Milo Yiannopoulos and wants attend the (now delayed) CUCR-Milo event.

Almost seems fake.

“Randall” and the RA then forwarded a chain email to the suite, with “Randall” complaining about the state of the suite and his room, his future roommate, the proliferation of peanut products—”to which I am deathly allergic” he writes—and the removal of the suite’s smoke detectors. The RA calls for the suite to work out their issues, mostly glossing over the seemingly outlandish complaints of “Randall.”

The situation evolved further when “Randall” posted a list of new rules for the suite. Among others, the “suite rules” included bans on bathroom use over five minutes in length, television use reservation, total removal of peanuts, and a notice that the suite would be putting up “Randall’s” parents in March.

The suite’s reaction to “Randall” ranged from incredulousness to sympathy. Among other things, they began to plan a party to annoy “Randall” as well as started to write an email to their RA.

This email apparently took form on January 13th as a general airing of grievances regarding “Randall” and the request for a suite meeting to discuss his future relationship with the EC suite.

To finish off this leg of the story, we’ll let “Randall” narrate the climactic suite meeting and sweeping reveal of “Randall’s” true identity.

Then at the meeting everyone sat around waiting for me. The actual new roommate walked in playing the imperial march and dressed as Darth Vader. The exchange went like this:

Roommate: Are you Randall?
New guy: No, but there is something your RA didn’t tell you about your new suitemate
Roommate: Don’t tell me there’s something else wrong with my suitemate.
New guy: No, I AM your suitmate

At which point the real new suitemate revealed himself and the fact that I am not a real person. They all fell for it completely and told all of their friends and family. Here are some additional highlights:

-They offered to host the Rugby team for a party Thursday night to drive me out.
-One of them started locking his door to prevent me from sneaking in his room and then locked himself out.
-One of them told half of 1020 including the bartender about his terrible new suitemate.
-They started to notice things moving around the suite thinking I moved them, even though the people behind the prank didn’t and I don’t exist.
-It took a solid ten minutes to explain to them that they were pranked, with one saying “Not funny guys, get out of here before Randall shows up!”

Of course, the fact that this was a prank should have been obvious from the beginning, because my name is rando.

Despite wanting to believe that pranking is still alive and well even in the Stygian bowels of Columbia, Bwog’s membership in various aesthetic and meme communities on Facebook revealed evidence of this prank being posted in “Rach Aesthetics”—a splinter Facebook page which split from Post Aesthetics. These separate posts were verified to originate from a Columbia student graduating this year, but include other pieces of the narrative unrevealed to us by “Randall.” Notably, the suite antagonizes “Randall” by writing on the unilaterally imposed “suite rules” and leaving a hostile note in return.

As of today, the “Randall” series on Rach Aesthetics has received hundreds of votes per post and has yet to culminate in a climax.

This begs many questions. For one, why is the story of “Randall” being posted in media res on Rach Aesthetics when “Randall” told us the conclusion to the story? Is a suite member slowly revealing the story for fake internet points? Or is the tale of “Randall” more than just the account of a suite prank?

Or are we, whom “Randall” hopes will project the travails of the suite, the true subjects in a greater prank against the Columbia media?

Truth is often stranger than fiction.

Pictures via Bwog Staff and “Randall Owen”