Yes, we gave him the ‘fuck Spec’ sticker in exchange for this interview

The Core Scholars program is an annual competition that invites students to submit a reflection on the Core. If selected as a winner, you get fame, glory, and your work featured on Columbia’s website. The university will give you two hundred dollars and a close-up picture of your face will be awkwardly placed in Hamilton Hall. Basically, all your hopes and dreams will come true.

To give our readership an inside look into the process, staff writer Danielle Mikaelian sat down with Gabriel Agostini, SEAS ‘21, who won for his satirical version of Cards Against Humanity, “Cards Against Sappho.” Gabriel, an Applied Math major, defied STEM stereotypes through being chosen as a Core Scholar. He hopes to show the world that one does not have to be in CC to know how to read.

Bwog: How did you come up with the idea for Cards Against Sappho?

Gabriel: So, last semester my LitHum instructor (shoutout to Sarah) gave us the option of doing a “final creative project” instead of a final paper. As you probably presumed given that I am in SEAS, I can’t write – so I went for the former. Unfortunately, I can’t draw either, so art was out of the question. I realized that the only thing I’m good at is making terrible jokes. At least, I hope that’s true. The Core Office apparently thinks so.

Like anyone who reads Sappho (Because there’s no Sparknotes version), I was aggravated when the most prevalent word in the poem was not even a word…but just empty brackets. Who is she longing for? Why does she simply want to be dead? A lot of blanks were in my mind as I read it, so I thought I ought to fill them. Luckily, there’s a game that does exactly that, and you probably played it while plastered, gentlemen.

Bwog: Can you tell us some rules of the game?

Gabriel: It’s played almost like the original game, with a Sapphic twist. The player who has had the most recent breakup begins as Zeus and is the first judge (so unfortunately one person will probably start the game for a long time in your friend group). Just print the cards, read the instructions, and invite your friends for a Symposium.

Bwog: Favorite card? Favorite combo of cards?

Gabriel: Probably “a giant horse full of half naked men” for favorite card, but favorite combo will definitely go to:

You will remember _____________, for we in our youth did those things.

“Executing my disrespectful maids just to prove I am a man now”

Bwog: The Core Office specifically arranged your cards in Hamilton so that certain questions are paired with certain answers. What is your favorite combination of theirs?

Gabriel: Definitely “My virginity” with “____________ reminded me of Anaktoria, who is (are?) gone.”

Bwog: What is your least favorite combination of theirs?

Gabriel: All the others.

Bwog: As a SEAS student, are people surprised that you can read?

Gabriel: Yes… but Sappho is pretty easy to read. With an average of ten words per page, even an electrical engineer can read it.

Bwog: What book will be used in the next edition?

Gabriel: Depends… what book can I burn? Alternatively, I was thinking of using famous speeches. Can you imagine a game based on the words of Deantini? Examples: __ is my Columbia journey, __ has a beginner’s mind, etc.

Bwog: Would Sappho be good at Cards Against Humanity?

Gabriel: She would probably be good, but she would also be the player that would complain when she wasn’t picked and start crying.

Bwog: If you could say one thing to Sappho, what would it be?

Gabriel: Get over her.

Bwog: Any specific plans for how to spend the prize money?

Gabriel: Yeah, I can’t publish that in Bwog (But just remember that two hundred dollars in Brazil, where I’m from, will be three times the U.S. value). Follow me on Instagram to see the results (@gabriel_agostosao).

If you would like to play Cards Against Sappho, check out the game here! (After following Gabriel on Instagram, of course.)