Behold, some of the most unhinged things Bwog staffers have seen on Zoom calls.

The very design of a Zoom call allows for the transcendence of human norms, a reconstruction of precedent in these ~ unprecedented times ~ proving truly that all of our brain machines are broken. Here are some highlights of what we have witnessed these past few months, true trials and tribulations straight from the eyes and ears of our attentive Bwoggers on the front lines of the Zoom renaissance:

  • “A Swiss man in my CC class who regularly swigs sparkling San Pellegrino straight from the bottle and I can’t get over it.”
  • Flashing party lights
  • “My literal bare ass crack flashing at a Zoom bday full of religious people (I was laying in bed in big t-shirt no pants and…… mistakes were made)”
  • Principles of econ got Zoombombed by Reddit incels (slurs, MAGA flags in the background, singing of said slurs)
  • Loud bowl of macaroni and cheese
  • Lamp falling over sounded like the apocalypse
  • Someone had their sound on the entire class and their mother was screaming at them
  • “My professor walked into a room where his like 7-year-old daughter was painting messily and said the following: “What the fuck are you doing?? Ok haha have fun I have to go back to entertaining the adults.” (the class is the adults)
  • Meme background in front of Prezbo himself
  • “My professor’s camera had what seemed like a face-tracking feature that made it follow him wherever he moved. Every time he stood up to go and write on the whiteboard behind him, the camera would rapidly zoom into his face when he turned like it does in The Office and it was hilarious every time.”
  • Cat butts
  • “Someone was carrying around their laptop in the few minutes before class started and didn’t realize they had their camera and mic on and we all could see up their nose as they were going down the stairs and around their house and talking to their mom and everyone was sitting there desperately hoping we weren’t about to be brought into the bathroom or something”
  • Errant pets/family members being shoved off-screen
  • “My professor’s 6-year-old came in and read us a poem she wrote about ciabatta.”
  • People clearly drinking/smoking
  • “I was in a breakout room in my incredibly boring lab that lasts five hours and thought I was on mute so started playing music. I was not on mute and the professor was presenting in the “lab” we were going to do to me and the other girl in the breakout room.”
  • “I was in an office hours session with a TA and everyone had their mics off as she explained a problem. All of a sudden, a loud belch ERUPTED from my speakers and no one said anything and the TA just laughed and said “mood.” then a dainty voice (who I assume thought they were on mute and realized from the TA’s reaction that that was not the case said “oh my gosh I’m so sorry” and the participant count went down by 1
  • My professor saying and doing the following, verbatim: “So I can tell you are all getting bored so i want to show you this.” He grabs a bag of colorless M&M’s. “These are colorless M&M’s, they made them in 2002 and I’ve had them in my office since.” The bag then broke open, perhaps because it was two decades old?? Who’s to say? “You know what? I am going to do this and this is for my own enjoyment because life is boring. This is probably 19-year-old candy.” Then, he ate one, and looked in deep thought as he chewed it. “It’s fine, which means this must be made out of plutonium.” Alas, a few seconds later: “Wait, you saw it here first folks – I’m going to die! It tastes like peanut butter with sulfur. I’m going to die. Jesus. I just wanted to wake you up. Anyways, Norwegian!”
  • One of our staff writers CUTTING THEIR OWN HAIR during our pitch meeting last week

Everything is fine, we promise via Bwog Archives