There is a window straight across the toilet on Hamilton 3. Why?

You are in Hamilton. Whether it’s a passing period, you just got out of a class, or you’re simply in there to study, for some reason, you find yourself wandering down the Hamilton stairs. Searching for a bathroom. 

You’ve had too much to drink (water, of course). Your Hydroflask dangles, empty, from your bag. Eighteen fluid ounces of liquid seem to be too much for your small organism.

Searching for a bathroom is an endeavor in and of itself—nothing is labeled, you go floor to floor, checking for the telltale door, but alas. One floor doesn’t have any sort of bathroom. One floor simply has a men’s. You search for that little bathroom, and all the while, your bladder slowly fills more and more. 

You find it. Hamilton 3. A line stretches out the door, people waiting patiently to also empty their equally full bladders. The line is moving quickly, but not quite quickly enough. Discomfort boils. Finally, you reach the front, swinging open the door to the bathroom in the corner, right next to the window. 

And before you lies your dilemma: the window, wide open. On a hot day, it’s providing the wisp of a breeze to stir the still un-air-conditioned air of Hamilton. The line behind you pushes forward, you start to panic, you need to get your business done, fast.

Is it immoral? To go pussy out on a Tuesday afternoon? To want to feel the waft of cool air on your nethers?

On the one hand, the design is clearly intentional. Whichever architect so clearly thought up the layout of this bathroom knew what they were doing. The position of the slightly cracked window? The height of the toilet? It’s all too perfect to be a mere accident. And nobody has corrected the problem since. They want you to do this. It’s written in the stars. 

Additionally, is it wrong to simply use a service provided to you? To piss in peace? Maybe it’s even kinda nice to pee with a view of the great outdoors.

And really, what’s the big deal? You are one small ass in a big wide sea of New York asses. Everybody’s got one. There is nothing shocking or horrible about seeing an ass, so why should this be so offensive?

The thoughts course through your head. You hesitate, ready to pull your pants down. But your heart gets the better of you, and you pull the window shut. The thought of accidentally flashing an innocent bystander on college walk is simply too much. The moment passes.

You do your business behind the privacy of a closed window. 

Hamilton 3 bathroom via the author’s phone