Really, who decided this?

I think I’m a hater on this campus. I would like to not be a hater, but in order to change this fundamental aspect of my identity, I would appreciate it if a lot of things on campus just got a lot better.

You may remember me from last week when I demanded I be in control of the TVs in Hewitt. I assume all Bwog readers have already set up a petition to get that implemented, but this week I have a new idea that I’m gonna make everyone else’s problem. I’m tired of the terrible names of these god-forsaken buildings. A great majority are truly abysmal. So, join me as I absolutely demolish history for the sake of catchier names.

Diana: Now this is one I actually like! It’s just some girl name. That’s hilarious. I only have a small tweak, because I’d like for its formal name to be “Princess Diana”. We can still call it “Diana” for short, don’t worry. I just think that would really give our campus an element of intrigue. 

Kent: We’re calling it Burr now. It stands right across from Hamilton and that’s just too funny to pass up. Now, should we be naming more buildings on campus after dead racist founding fathers? Probably not. This is just one exception because I think it would be funny.

Pupin: Now this building just sounds vulgar. I honestly have no idea how to make it less gross sounding. I think we should just demolish the building and start over. 

Mudd: I really like this name. I just think we should shorten it to “Mud” and throw everybody off. 

Low Library: First of all, they won’t even let me in that place so it has no right to be called a library. Libraries are for everyone. Second of all, after everything that’s happened this past year, we should capitalize on how much we suck. I’m henceforth renaming Low Library to “All Time Low Not Library”. It fits better. 

Lerner: There like aren’t even any classes in here. Why would it be called Lerner? Who’s learning stuff in there? Not me. I think we should really be leaning into what really matters about the building; the ramps. I’m now calling it “Ramps”, and so should you.

I’m sure I have more ideas, but I think these are the most crucial changes that must be made now! Please, flood all adminstrations’ emails with this while I come up with my next wave of name related demands.

Campus via Bwog Archives