Bwog helps a first-year who is struggling to find long-term friendships.

Dear Bwog,

i’m a first year and i haven’t met anyone that i feel like i will stay friends with for four years— when does that happen?

Love,

Friendless Freshman

Dear Friendless Freshman,

It can feel rather isolating, the process of making new friends in a new place, wondering if you’re actually clicking with these people or if it is desperation forcing you together. I am familiar with this sentiment and understand it may feel difficult to appreciate your first year in your current state of social unease. Nonetheless, this new chapter of your life is a very beautiful thing! You get the opportunity to put yourself out there in a way you’ve never done before, and no one will know because you don’t know these people yet. Think of finding friends as a series of trial runs, in that if one conversation fizzles out, you have 2,556 more just in your own year! Plus, I am a firm believer that the dearest friends you will make, the ones that will last the longest, are found through many conversations. Unfortunately, I’m unable to give you a timeline on this process because when you find them, you won’t exactly be able to confirm that you will stay friends with them. Fortunately, there will be some signs to look out for:

Laughter will come naturally, but you’ll be able to switch between work and play effortlessly. 

They will make it known that they appreciate you, including you in plans and wanting you around.

And if you get into an argument, you won’t lose sleep because you’ll be certain that all will be okay in the end.

I know this is a lot of pressure; just don’t think that you are the only one in this position. Maybe your future BFF is feeling this way as well, just waiting for you to come along. But, of course, if you are really in a pinch, I can’t recommend enough how helpful clubs and organizations are for finding lovely people you connect with. Identity-based groups are extra special, in my opinion, since you find friends who understand who you are, not just what you are interested in.

XOXO,
Bwog

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Friendship via Bwarchives