Maybe I’ll feel differently once it’s submitted

When I submitted my 500-word thesis proposal last Spring, I was motivated, excited, and supremely naive in the way that only a junior who just finished studying abroad and yearning for another semester in New York could. 

After about two weeks of meetings with my advisor and the thrill of a preliminary literature review, my excitement dwindled, leaving me a sleep-deprived and chaotic mess. 

The deadline for my first draft is looming, and unfortunately, you could not pay me to read another page or endure another day of senior seminar. Instead of working on it (which I desperately need to do), I’ve decided to write this letter about everything I hate about my thesis so far. 

First of all, the senior seminar class is a special type of torture. How many assignments and readings must I complete that have absolutely nothing to do with my actual project before I drop out? 

On top of that, my seminar experience is colored by extremely awkward peer-review sessions. The blank stares across the round table make it abundantly clear that we’ve all procrastinated to oblivion and read each other’s papers about five minutes before class began. 

I’m so tired. All. The. Time. 

And possibly the worst part of all of this is the shift in small talk with your friend’s art hum classmate or ex-situationship. It’s no longer “how was the lit hum final” or “what floor of Carman do you live on”; now, it’s “how many sources are in your lit review” and “have you found an advisor yet?” How I yearn for a stuffy conversation in the corner of someone’s cramped double. 

I’m sure the feeling of making that final edit and seeing my name printed on a glossy sheet of paper with the words “Undergraduate Thesis” under it will make it all worth it, but right now I’m struggling to find the positives in completing this wretched academic endeavor.

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