Gems from “Columbia’s only humor magazine.” (page numbers in Jester’s numeration, add two for the pdf page number)

 “CUM THAT IS MORE THAN AN HOUR OLD” (Page 4)

“If you won a Dodge Viper, then fuck this science shit.” (Page 6)

“Employee Ben Morton passed away from cardiac arrest due to stress-related complications…defeating a JP Morgan steam banker in a race to make the company $5,000,000.” (Page 9)

 “After being acquitted, he promptly ghostrode his whip through a red light.” (Page 13)

“Give us peace and safety, O Standpipe, through all of our lives.” (Page 16)

“We have a dog and his name is Booger.” (Page 25)