UTS President to Retire, Gets Normal Sized Headline Showdown Over Kung Fu Club’s Funding Fails to Result in Kung Fu Showdown Manhattanville, Shmanhatanville, No Ugly Buildings Here Five Titles, But We Got To Start in the “Elite Eight” An Actual Book About Coffee Table Books! (Idea Stolen From Kramer)

First, CUIDs actually becoming prepped for off-campus use, now somewhat sensical advising reform? The student council legends were true! Which of course means the councils get to pat themselves on the back Changes are coming to Harlem too: a W hotel might be opening Meanwhile, Saigon Grill employees still treated like shit SENIOR COLUMN: After four […]

“…we will use the sea of flags dyed by blood, to beat the cult’s high spirit, to defend the reputation and dignity of the motherland!”  No Bail. Losing Zvi a “traumatic experience,” counseling services to be provided. There’s an official Blue and White Game? We’re flattered! News Flash: Columbia Students Lack School Spirit

If you haven’t read the post below, he’s been nabbed Diversity — it’s not just a campus issue Ah, College Confidential: wrecking the nerves of pre-frosh everywhere since you were in high school Interview with a Gilmore Girl, Barnard alum, and (apparently) former Furnald resident? Lucky. What we can learn from Virginia Tech Perez Hilton […]

More on false sighting of J-school student’s attacker.  (Look for a scar on his stomach? Come again?) On being a “So-and-So Professor of Such-and-Such” They may cure their own corn beef, but their chicken noodle soup probably won’t cure this A Central Park Jogger debate-esque opinion piece…except it’s unclear who said this girl was “asking” […]

Chiquita Banana Told to Split  (What happened to the good ol’ days?) The only experiment in Frontiers of Science is the class itself “Being Muslim in America involves ‘heavy baggage.’ No, not bombs!” His Potential ’08 Summer Job Beats Yours  Staff Editorial on the VT Shooting Response Here

As students react to the Virginia Tech shootings, police hunt J-School student’s torturer Not just youth apathy? GSSC election turnout plummets Admin asks: How short would you make your showers for $25 in Flex? Meanwhile, profs fight climate change with “global thermostat,” clubs with $100 Whole Foods shopping spree Morality may not exist…but it’s best […]

49.6% = Record numbers Frontiers’ New Frontier  We’re fans of Garamond ourselves   Ivies decide that they should…hire coaches who win…? Barnard Matriarch loved by all “My reason for wanting to take some courses solely with women isn’t that I think men have cooties or should be castrated.”

‘Round the fire with PrezBo (again) In Slavic Department, Russian does not own you…(I mean, at least now you have more of a choice) Something about this just seems out of place under “News”… All aboard, get on the Art Train Aw, a pre-frosh op-ed! Office hours for athletic trainers — apparently they once existed

First, find a partner and align the soles of your feet together in Bokononist ritual: Kurt Vonnegut dies at age 84. “Blessed are the merciful” in a courtroom? “Blessed are the peacemakers” in the Pentagon? Give me a break!”- Cold Turkey “Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn’t well connected.” – Slaughterhouse V […]

$400 million University Cold on Hot Jazz (ADP’s statement after the jump) Stoffel Leads SGA Poll, Spec Happy Not about Porn: “Molly Shannon, Doggy Style”; “Swashbuckling Can’t Save Pirates“ Pitching A Softball Strength, Hardball Weakness “Friendly Fire” Not Bad on the Home Front A Tragedy Averted! 

PREZSHAP TO RESIGN OMG!!! (now, what font size do they use for assassinations or declarations of war?) Broadway Simba to get V-Show award: what does JTT think? “Who would have thought that inside the Zen essence of bamboo lay the potential to help a poverty-stricken continent create bicycles?” A $250 meal =”Brad Pitt,” “the new […]

Student Loan Xpress gets knocked out of the Circle of Trust, not allowed at our parties anymore Now we’ve got insurance coverage overseas, for anything from “personal catastrophe” to “political unrest.”  Perfect. …And speaking of overseas, you’d better leave those hedonistic texts at home before going to Egypt. Down with the Senate! Reform! REVOLUCIÒN Heaven […]

Charlow’s loathsome acts, subsequent “eyebrow raising” Numbers for your ego Teetotalers at Columbia are people too Read this: Minutemen protesters rebuff charges against them Staff beats around the big ol’ bush More on Charlowheist: The New York Times’ coverage What’s going on at UT, And at USC And the clincher: “Lenders also paid for trips […]

Classes at elementary school about to get a LOT harder Low Dome of the Rock  Anything vs. Tasti D. = WINNER  Spectator gives Columbia advice on web design?  We’re not smarter, we just have better taste  Plus: You really don’t like us, do you, NYP?