Another person—besides, of course, all of SEAS—exempt from the swim test? Apparently, swim team captain Henning Fog. 

Name, School:  

Henning Fog, CC 

Claim to fame:  

Swim Team Captain, Sigma Nu Recorder Emeritus, “Life of the Party” (3/10/06)  

Post-grad plans:  

Am I too old to still say “astronaut” or “Tony Hawk”? Aside from mooching off my practical I-Banking friends, most of my future is TBD. As of now I have no job, no place of residence, and no long-term financial plan. I’ve got dreams, though, among them: a) sell a screenplay b) befriend five hip young Manhattanites, have hilarious misadventures and c) find my real dad. 

Preferred swim test stroke? 

I recently discovered that as someone “officially more than capable of completing a few laps” I am not required to take the swim test. Special treatment? Not on my watch. I’ll be there with water wings in two weeks, doggy paddling my way to graduation. 



What are three things you learned at Columbia? 

  1. Fight everything. Always. Just fight. In club form, especially.
  2. That kid in your discussion section full of “brilliant ideas” and “insight” is more often than not just full of shit. Don’t get sucked in by empty eloquence. You’re never as dumb as you think you are.
  3. Make yourself uncomfortable as much as you can. Whether trying a new lunch-stop instead of HamDel again (but it’s so clooossee) or taking a class without your friends, you only grow by trying new things. College goes by too quickly to constantly stick to what you know.
  4. There are three Barnard jokes that get repeated ad nauseam and they’re all retarded.

Justify your existence in 30 words or less. 

I was once told that I’m “fairly good looking… until I open my mouth.” Looks being everything, I feel pretty secure with my place in the world. 

What was your favorite controversy in your time at Columbia? 

I loved them all so much, it’s difficult to choose! If I were telling the truth, the one that affected my “community” most significantly might be Ginia Sweeney’s anti-athletics rant/editorial in the Spec last year. I would have written her a letter if not for my shocking illiteracy. 

What Columbia memory best exemplifies your college experience? 

Offering a pack of Cherry Frosted Pop-Tarts to the homeless woman on 113th and Broadway (you know the one) only to be turned away. “I don’t eat that shit, you got anything else?” she said. This woman had unusually high expectations, apparently. 

Which prof do you think would be the best kisser? 

Horst Stormer, Physics. Like his trademark navy sweater, rolled-up cuffs and jeans combo, his kiss would be unassuming and comfortable. Plus what Nobel Prize winner isn’t a good kisser? 

What percentage of seniors do you think are virgins? 

38% sounds reasonable. With three weeks left, though, everyone’s looking to make some new memories. 36% after Reading Week? 

Would you rather permanently give up oral sex or cheese? 

Oral sex. All the best foods have cheese in them. Pizza, chicken parm, Ritz Bitz. Not to mention those that actually have it in their names: cheeseburgers, cheesesteaks. Easy Cheese? Call me sexually immature, but a world without that stuff is no world I want to live in. 

Days on Campus memory? 

Didn’t participate. I’ll never forget the Bowl-Mor Lanes event from Freshman Orientation, though. In an effort to make new friends, I decided to join a random group rather than play with kids I had already met. We had a great time – sharing embarrassing high-school stories, making fun of each other’s bowling technique. It was beautiful, an ideal orientation moment. Unfortunately none of those kids went to Columbia. I had unknowingly spent two hours with NYU students. 

Regrets? 

I’m trying this thing as we inch toward graduation where I pretend there is no past, only present and future. But yeah, lots to regret:

  1. Dropping a class because it conflicted with The Office
  2. Getting on Annette Insdorf’s bad side
  3. Not participating in the Naked Run (body-image issues)
  4. Whatever lack of academic rigor/effort led to these undercooked responses and the inevitable roasting in Bwog comments. That said, have at me.